


Jadzia Returns

by StephaniD



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Awkward Crush, Comes Back Wrong, F/F, Gen, Jezri breakup, Major Character Undeath, Pre-Relationship, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, for Kira and Ezri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-27 15:03:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20762303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephaniD/pseuds/StephaniD
Summary: Jadzia Dax is brought back to life, and returns to DS9 to find she’s not the only Dax there. And somehow, their symbionts are communicating. So she and Ezri know everything the other is thinking.20k words exactly, chapter 13 is deleted scenes.





	1. Jadzia woke unexpectedly.

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic inspired by the KiraDax discord. We had a conversation about 'What if Dax was like a regular worm and regrew and brought Jadzia back to life? And what if her regrown Dax was telepathically connected to Ezri's Dax?' and I wrote this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The manner of Jadzia's burial means that some of the more traumatic ideas, like Ezri remembering Jadzia digging her way out of her own grave, didn't happen. But the two Trill have enough angst and anxiety without that.  
Credit to SenyorSpock for coining 'Daxi' as the plural form of 'Dax'. Headcanon that Trill use sy/sym/syr pronouns for symbionts.  
(I'm aware I've been writing mostly Dax-centric whump or h/c lately. Maybe if the DS9 writers gave them the attention and respect they deserve, I wouldn't have to.)

Jadzia woke unexpectedly. 

"What the-?" Why wasn't she dead? This didn't look like any afterlife she'd ever heard of. It looked like an infirmary. 

"Oh, you're awake!" What she assumed was a doctor hurried over, smiling, tentacles from their head reaching for her. "We repaired all your systems, we had to help your secondary brain regrow more quickly." 

"My what?" She managed. The alien gestured to her stomach. "My… in my pouch?" 

"Yes. It's fully reformed." 

"I don't- Where did you find me?" 

"Drifting in space, in a small container. You were barely alive but we managed to bring you back. Would you like to return to your people? We're meeting with a ship in a few days that's headed to the Alpha quadrant." 

"Yes, please, thank you." 

"I just need to know your name." 

"Jadzia Dax." She was still Jadzia Dax. She'd died, Julian must have cut too close to Dax when removing sym and sy started to regrow. She didn't remember Sto-Vo-Kor. She put a hand to Dax and remembered. "Doctor." She stopped them partway to the door. "My pregnancy. I was… in the beginning of producing a baby?" 

"I'm sorry, that tissue had been without oxygen too long." 

"Okay." She must be in shock, unable to process coming back to life and losing her baby. 

The ship docked and Jadzia took a deep breath. Time to tell her friends she wasn't really dead. She stepped into the station and glanced around. Dax writhed and she paused to put a hand on her stomach, confused about what sy was reacting to when she remembered a young Trill woman looking in the mirror in hospital patient clothes, cutting her own hair with a laser scalpel, blue eyes that were both her own and not. Telling her mother -_ whose mother? _ \- "It's me, Curzon" over subspace - _ what was happening? _\- Meeting Ben and Jake and Joseph Sisko, finding a Bajoran Orb. Meeting everyone on DS9. Standing on her head because it helped Emony focus but only getting a headache. Getting promoted to lieutenant junior grade and not feeling like she'd earned it or was ready to be counselor of a space station during a war. Kissing Julian Bashir. 

"Jadzia?!" Julian was by her side, and so was the young woman, the new host to Dax. Jadzia couldn't speak. 

"Hi." The young woman said softly. "I'm Ezri. We need to go to sick bay." Jadzia nodded, still catching up on all the memories she'd apparently missed while dead, and Ezri's childhood. She walked with them on auto-pilot. Julian was talking, Ezri was talking less. 

After a few hours they had a diagnosis. Somehow both Daxes were in telepathic communication with each other. The Trill had just nodded, sitting across from each other on biobeds, the memory transference had ended and they were now receiving each other's thoughts. It was unlike anything Jadzia had ever experienced before. 

"Same here." Ezri muttered. Jadzia suddenly wondered about telling everyone on the station what had happened. 

"Was that your thought or mine?" She asked. 

"Does it matter?" Ezri replied as her thoughts answered the question, it didn't matter who thought it, they had to discuss it and do something about it. It would make sense to tell Benjamin and Worf first. Ben already knew she was back on the station, she'd informed him while the trio headed to the infirmary. Jadzia rubbed her temple. When the two of them thought about the same topic it was hard to tell who's thoughts were whose. So, Benjamin already knew and would be down as soon as he could be. How to tell Worf she was alive? 

"I could do it if you want." Ezri offered.

“If you could just call him down here?” Jadzia asked, not even sure what she was going to say. Ezri nodded and opened a comlink.

“Dax to Worf.”

“Worf here.”

“Your presence is required in the infirmary.”

“The infirmary? Why?” He asked.

“You need to see this. As soon as you can.” Ezri replied. Jadzia got a few quick memories of Worf not being very welcoming to Ezri.

“Acknowledged. I will be there in about 10 minutes. Worf out.”

“Thanks. Sorry about him.” Jadzia said.

“He’s grieving.” Ezri shrugged, but Jadzia knew from her memories that his treatment of Ezri hurt her.

“Oh, Julian, you may want to have some type of hypospray ready, I’m not sure how Worf is going to react to seeing me again.” Jadzia called towards the man, frowning at his computer. He didn’t look up. She smiled and walked over. “Julian. Julian Bashir.” That got his attention.

“Sorry, yes? I was just analyzing-”

“Julian,” Jadzia interrupted, “Worf is going to be here in a few minutes and I’m not sure how he’s going to react to seeing me again. You may want to prepare for him to faint or something.” A mental image of Worf falling over, stiff as a bat'leth entered her mind. She glanced over at Ezri to find her trying to hide a smile.

“Sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to.” 

Jadzia had to stop herself from leaping into her husband’s arms when she saw him again, she couldn’t stop smiling and would probably start to cry soon. He stared at her for at least 30 seconds (by Ezri’s count), then turned to Ezri and demanded an explanation.

“Who is this and why did you call me here? Where is Doctor Bashir?”

“Sorry, here I am.” Bashir exited his office. “This is Jadzia. She’s not a clone or Changeling or anything.”

“Jadzia is in Sto-Vo-Kor.” Worf declared.

“Worf, I promise you, it’s me. I woke up on an alien ship in the Gamma Quadrant being told I was found almost dead, and they were able to help Dax regenerate.” Jadzia explained. “I don’t remember Sto-Vo-Kor, but I trust that you warned them I was coming.” She wiped her eyes. He regarded her in silence before turning to Ezri again.

“Why are you here?”

“Worf-” Jadzia objected, but Ezri held up a hand, remembering other conversations with Worf she’d successfully had.

“Jadzia and the aliens who helped her were able to regrow Dax with all memories from previous hosts intact. When she arrived at the station, her Dax and mine telepathically linked or something” Jadzia wondered if they’d have to tell the Symbiosis Commission about that and Ezri crossed her arms as she continued summarizing “and we started receiving each other’s memories. I remembered waking up, wondering why I wasn’t dead.” The Trill locked gazes. “She remembered cutting her own hair in the hopes of recognizing herself in the mirror, not another previous host. When it started to happen I headed here, but on the way I found Jadzia on the Promenade, so I called Julian as a friendly face and to figure out what was going on. And we’re still receiving each other’s memories, as they’re made.”

“I know there’s probably not much I can do to convince you that I am who I say I am.” Jadzia sighed.

“If Doctor Bashir and Counselor Dax say it is you, I believe you all. My par’Mach’kai.” He rumbled, approaching her.

“Oh, Worf!” She ran into his arms, crying freely. One of them remembered her literally jumping into his arms on the Defiant. He held her close, almost too tight, but he was always so careful with her. 

“Hey, Old Man.” Benjamin Sisko greeted. “Old Man. Good to see you.” Ezri’s thoughts informed Jadzia that Sisko was greeting both of them. 

“You have two Dax here and neither one of us is the old man.” Ezri replied. Dax? One of them wondered. Daxes? Daxi? They’d solve that question later, there had to be grammatical precedent on Trill. The women jointly informed Sisko of what happened, Worf and Jadzia in constant physical contact.

“That sounds like a very interesting race you ran into.” He commented when they were done.

“Yes, but they were very clear about their dislike of meeting other species when not volunteering their help. They don’t want to be taken advantage of.” Jadzia replied.

“What’s your plan for announcing your return?”

“I don’t have one.” She shrugged, imagining calling person after person to sickbay to tell them she was alive versus doing something dramatic like going to Quark’s and standing on the bar.

“I’ll stay here with you if you want.” Ezri offered pointedly. Apparently the new host hadn’t gotten to the ‘relax and have fun’ part of being joined. Ezri rolled her eyes.

“You really are communicating telepathically.” Benjamin marveled, glancing between them. 

"Yeah. I know I'm going to have to discuss things like my job and what we tell Starfleet and Trill, but-" 

"It can wait." He assured, wrapping her in a hug. 


	2. Continued Informing People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the discord for bringing to my attention that Jadzia always calls Sisko 'Benjamin' and Ezri always calls him 'Ben'. I definitely utilize that in this fic to help differentiate who's thoughts are in Jadzia's head (moreso in ch1 than here, but I just realized I should probably state it for others like me who didn't pick up on this on their own).

Jadzia, Ezri, Sisko, Worf, and Bashir decided that they should continue informing people Jadzia was back one at a time in the Infirmary, at least until all the senior staff knew. Benjamin called Kira down next. 

"Jadzia?" Kira stopped in the doorway and gaped. Dozens of memories flashed through her mind and she couldn't tell whose they were, but the emotion to most of them was happiness or longing. 

"Nerys." She grinned, wiping away more tears. "I'm back?" 

"What- I don't- how-" She looked from Ezri to Jadzia again. 

"Want to sit down?" Ezri patted the biobed where she was still sitting, Jadzia felt a rush of nervousness and tucked that knowledge away for later. They explained again what happened. 

“You’re really back.” Kira whispered, walking over to Jadzia and reaching for her hands. 

“I really am." Jadzia held her friend's hands tightly. Kira suddenly wrapped Jadzia in a hug so tight she was having trouble breathing, but no way she was going to say or do anything to make Kira let go. 

“Kira, you should loosen your hug a little.” Ezri said softly. Jadzia glared at her, Ezri rolled her eyes again. Were all Dax hosts just a little immature? Ezri remembered multiple instances of Jadzia being more than ‘just a little’ immature. Kira began shaking in her arms and Jadzia’s attention was immediately diverted. 

“I’m here, Nerys.” She assured softly, and rubbed Kira’s back as the men quietly headed to Bashir’s office. After a few minutes of both Jadzia and Ezri thinking of nothing but Kira’s wellbeing, she ended the hug. 

"So,” Kira took a deep breath and wiped her eyes, “you both have all of each other's memories?" 

"Yup." 

"And you can read each other's thoughts?" Kira checked. 

"Kind of." Jadzia shrugged. 

"Because of Dax, we're receiving each other's memories at the speed of thought, so it's not exactly reading each other’s thoughts, but we can generally tell what each other is roughly thinking and feeling." Ezri added. “I knew Jadzia was uncomfortable with how tightly you were hugging, and also knew she didn’t plan to say anything.” 

"Ezri, are you going to be able to work?" Kira asked. 

"I'm not sure. I should probably take a few days for us to figure this out." 

Odo was the most calm about seeing Jadzia again. He listened to the explanation and simply offered a handshake (for the hand that Worf wasn’t holding). 

“Good to have you back, Commander.” 

“Good to be back, Odo.” Jadzia grasped his hand firmly as she remembered reading Benjamin’s report of Odo accidentally finding a Changeling by inadvertently Linking during a handshake. 

“I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to have two officers breaking and entering into my quarters to cause chaos.” He looked between the two Trill. 

“I would never!” Ezri defended. 

“She would never.” Jadzia scoffed at the same time. Everyone stared at them after that display of how linked their minds were. Jadzia noted a slight blush on Ezri’s cheeks, Ezri met her gaze and blushed more at her embarrassment being noticed. “Sorry.” Jadzia murmured. 

“Huh.” Odo observed neutrally. 

O’Brien entered the infirmary and looked at Jadzia warily. 

“Is that really Jadzia Dax?” He asked Julian. 

“Yes.” The doctor replied. 

“Our Jadzia Dax, back from the dead?” O’Brien confirmed. Jadzia remembered that technically this wasn’t the original Miles O’Brien. 

“Yes, Chief. I woke up-” Jadzia started to explain again but O’Brien held up a hand to stop her. 

“D’you ever have one of those days where you’re like ‘this might as well happen’?” 

“Yes, I think I know what you’re talking about.” Jadzia frowned in confusion, Ezri had no idea where the man was going with the question, either. 

“That’s just about been my life since joining this station. I don’t need to know what happened right now, I’m sure someone else can fill me in later. Good to see you again, glad you’re okay.” He grinned at her. 

“Thank you, Chief.” Jadzia smiled. 

She quickly ran through a list of everyone she should tell, and Quark was the only one left. This was going to be fun. She suddenly remembered her last game of Tongo, where she’d won and Quark hadn’t had enough latinum on hand to give her. She grinned at Ezri in thanks for the reminder, who smiled back. Sharing thoughts sure skipped them past a whole bunch of awkwardness about getting to know each other. 

“I think it’s time I said hello to Quark.” Jadzia grinned. Benjamin chuckled and everyone followed her to the bar. She suddenly got the idea of going up to the bar and asking for a bloodwine, Quark would mention something about how she didn’t like it, and she’d say ‘but she does’ and point to Jadzia. Jadzia turned to grin at Ezri. “I love it. Would you?” Ezri nodded with a conspiratory grin. 

“What are you doing?” Worf asked, Odo eyeing her as well. 

“Watch.” She squeezed his hand. 

The group entered the bar and Worf provided cover for Jadzia until Ezri got Quark’s attention. When Ezri ordered bloodwine Jadzia stepped into Quark’s view, unable to resist a wave when his eyes found her. His eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. A waiter ran into him as he fumbled his way out from behind the bar, staring at her the entire time. Odo chuckled at that. 

“Jadzia Dax!” He crowed. "Is it really you?" 

"It really is, Quark." She grinned. "I'm back to collect on my debts." 

"You don't have any debts." He brushed off. 

"No, but you do. You owe me ten strips from our last tongo game." 

"I gave it to Ezri." 

"No you didn't." Jadzia didn't even need to be telepathically connected to know that Quark was lying. 

"Well, you died, debts are cleared when people die. But coming back from the dead, that deserves a glass of bloodwine on the house!" 

"Okay, Quark." Jadzia chuckled. 

"Aren't you going to tell him?" Benjamin asked as Quark hurried back to the bar. 

“He didn’t question it yet. But I will when he gets back. If I don’t tell him soon, Ezri’s going to.” 

“What is that like?” Benjamin asked. 

“It’s just like any other memory, just a little harder to ignore." 

That night she had a thrown-together welcome back party at Quark’s. It seemed like everyone she knew wanted to welcome her back, assure themselves it was really her. Ezri and Bashir spent the evening in a holosuite and his quarters, partly to avoid the crowd, partly for another reason Ezri was refusing to think about. Jadzia ducked out of the party early with a headache, it was only 0100, but all the commotion and noise, plus Ezri’s thoughts, became too much. 

Over the next few days Jadzia, Ezri, Bashir, and Nurse Jabara tested the Daxi's link while Sisko informed Starfleet and Trill that Jadzia was back from the dead. Starfleet actually had an official form for it. No matter where on the station they were, or if they were separated by forcefields, they received memories from each other at the speed of thought. When one Dax was on a runabout however, their link became more tenuous until they were only receiving emotions, and then nothing. When returning to the station, the symbionts reacted the same as when Jadzia returned the first time, transferring all memories the other didn't have. They didn't seem to share dreams while sleeping, but if one was awake while the other slept, they'd receive the dreams of the sleeping Dax. 

Over the course of this, Jadzia figured out that Ezri, despite being in a relationship with Bashir, had quite a crush on Kira. Both Dax hosts did their best to think of other things when spending time with Kira. Every time Jadzia considered bringing it up, however, Ezri glared at her and pointedly remembered passionately making out with Julian on the Promenade. Which, while it was a very emotional memory, it couldn't compare to Jadzia's memories of kissing Worf. Jadzia wondered if Ezri was trying to convince herself she was in love with Julian for some reason. She had all of Dax's memories of being in love, and Ezri's memories of what she felt for Julian didn't hold up. She wondered if it was a reaction to her joining, having all these memories of previous hosts being in loving, committed, monogamous relationships. Jadzia had no clue how a Trill unprepared for Joining would react to having the memories of so many previous hosts. 

Worf, to his credit, was taking everything surprisingly well. He believed that since she had apparently not fully died, she had never gone to Sto-vo-kor. He mourned the loss of their child with her, and they agreed that it was too soon to try again. Throughout these difficult conversations, Jadzia did her best to ignore Ezri trying to give her privacy. 


	3. Knowing Exactly What Someone Else Was Thinking

One would think that knowing exactly what someone else was thinking and feeling would make getting along easy, but they both also had their own thoughts, feelings, and worries. Worry about what the other thought of them, worry about what the Symbiosis Commission would say about having two Daxi, worry about how their friends were handling this… The first night Jadzia spent with Worf she kind of felt bad as she received memories of an incredibly dry and dense psychology article. She was reconnecting with her husband and Ezri was stuck being voyeur and studying. But it wasn't like Jadzia did it to be annoying. But Ezri's memories of having sex with Julian whenever Jadzia was intending to talk about Ezri's relationship or crush or joining, that was definitely intended to annoy. Jadzia would respond in kind, and they frequently ended up glaring, rolling eyes, and snapping at each other sarcastically when they spent time together outside experimenting with their link. Their friends stopped hanging around when the Trill were together, which both of them blamed on each other. After a few days Sisko told them to work it out before he demanded an official explanation. 

Jadzia thought very very hard about playing Tongo with Quark as she headed to Ezri's quarters and hit the chime. 

"Come in." Ezri called. Jadzia took a step inside. Ezri stared at her. "But you-" She was confused for a fraction of a second until she figured out what Jadzia had done and accepted it with a huff. "Fine, I guess we're doing this now. Come in, have a seat, get this over with before Ben kills us." The only memories Jadzia was getting were Benjamin being angry, and difficult psychology readings, but they were tinged with nervousness. "Neat trick." Ezri grumbled. 

"Learned it from you. Look, Ezri, I'm sorry I can't always control my thoughts, and that you have to experience me having sex with my husband second-hand, but retaliation? That's different." 

"I can deal with you and Worf, but I wouldn't have to retaliate if you didn't focus on me and Julian and Kira so much." 

"You know how much I love love-" 

"You practically threatened to tell her! And I don't even know if how I feel about her is from your memories," it very well could be, "or for that matter, how I feel for Julian," likely due to Jadzia's old feelings for him, "quit it! Stop commenting on every little aspect of my life!" Ezri demanded. 

"I _ can't_." Jadzia stated angrily. "The more you think of it, the more I think of it." 

"I can't believe you're more than five years older than me and I have to be the mature one-" 

"Mature? You're acting like a child-” who covers their eyes at kissing. 

"I don't want to intrude on-" your private moments. 

"Yet you'll remember fucking Julian just to make me mad." 

"Because you keep insisting you know better than me!" 

"We both know what you feel for him isn't going to last. Compare it to other Dax hosts' relationships." Jadzia argued, remembering flashes of hosts' marriages, and Ezri's joining. 

"Stop it!" 

"What?! I didn't do anything!" 

"Stop thinking of me as 'poor little Ezri, unprepared for joining, so tragic'!" Ezri spat. 

"I told you, I can't." Jadzia glowered. 

"What, they didn't train you on controlling your thoughts as an Initiate?" Ezri snapped. 

"No, Initiates are taught to accept the memories, whatever they may be." Jadzia shook her head and tried to remember that coaching as Ezri's demeanor shifted. "Counselors are trained to control their _ thoughts_?" She asked. 

"Yeah, you have to be paying attention to a patient for their session, you can't think about other stuff." Ezri explained as though it was obvious. 

"How about, if I… if you…" How was she going to word teaching each other about being joined and controlling their thoughts? 

"Sure." Ezri smiled a bit. "As long as you promise you won't tell anyone about my love life." 

"I can control that, at least." Jadzia sighed. "I know this is awkward and we don't really actually know each other very well, but I'm here if you ever want to talk about stuff." She offered. 

"Same to you." 

"You're a _ counselor_." Jadzia pointed out with a smile. 

"Aside from that!" Ezri replied exasperatedly. 

"Sisko to Ezri Dax and Jadzia Dax. Please come to my office." Their combadges relayed the next day. 

"Acknowledged." Jadzia replied, the nervousness in her stomach doubling due to receiving Ezri's worry. The counselor hadn't been able to go back to work yet due to Starfleet Medical needing to assess Jadzia's security clearance, and have her swear to follow medical confidentiality once she'd taken classes in it. She could tell that Ezri was on her way to Ops as well, and slowed her stride until the shorter woman caught up. "He probably just wants to let us know what Starfleet said." Jadzia tried to help Ezri's nerves. 

"But what did Starfleet say?" Ezri replied, as she remembered all of Dax's unfriendly interactions with the Symbiosis Commission. 

"It can't be that bad, they had an official form for this sort of thing." Jadzia did her best to think about how Starfleet and the Symbiosis Commission were different. They may need to worry about what the SC would say, but it wasn't time to worry. 

"You're not helping." Ezri stated. 

"Sorry." 

Kira smiled at them as they passed through Ops, Jadzia felt Ezri's nervousness abate, shift, and return, but she kept her mouth shut. 

"Dax." Benjamin smiled as they entered his office. "Have you worked out your disagreement?" 

"Yes." 

"Yes, sir." They confirmed. 

"I don't know if that will make this easier or not. Because of the potential for a confidentiality breach, Starfleet is encouraging one of you to transfer." He informed them. Ezri had been expecting something like this. 

"I'll-" transfer to another posting; Ezri started. 

"No way." Jadzia interrupted, they turned to each other. 

"But you-" deserve to be here; Ezri argued. 

"So do you." Jadzia stated, hands on her hips. 

"Dax!" Benjamin stopped them. "I told Starfleet that it's too early to make a decision, especially since Jadzia hasn't yet sworn confidentiality. And it's only a suggestion, they're not going to force the issue." He assured. 'Yet.' Ezri added internally. Jadzia wondered if most counselors had their own mental abnormalities. Ezri prickled at ‘abnormality’, though Jadzia had only good intentions, and remembered a vast majority of her classmates disclosing a mental disorder or neurodiversity. "I simply wanted to let you know Starfleet's response." Benjamin concluded. "Jadzia, the confidentiality lessons have been sent to your files. Dismissed." 

"Thanks, Benjamin." She smiled at him as they left his office, though she wasn’t looking forward to the lessons. 

"If one of us-" has to leave, it should be me; Ezri began to sigh. 

"It should be me." Jadzia finished first, shaking her head. 

"These are your-" friends, this is your home; Ezri argued. 

"I could say the-" same for you; Jadzia replied and stopped walking while they were still in the privacy of Ops. 

"You were-" here first; Ezri stated. Jadzia scoffed. 

"DS9 needs-" a counselor more than a science officer right now; Jadzia argued. 

"What about Worf?" Ezri asked, arms crossed. Memories of Jadzia's husband flashed through their minds. Could she really ask him to transfer with her, could she bear to leave him behind? 

"What about me?" Worf asked, walking over. Their friends had quickly learned that interrupting a half-telepathic conversation was difficult and that they should wait until the Trill stopped interrupting each other. 

"Nothing to worry about yet." Jadzia assured. She thought about packing her things and leaving DS9 and wasn't sure if it was her own thought or not. She glanced at Ezri, who frowned and shrugged.


	4. Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I love the Daxi, I feel like they would have to work at getting along, at least at first.

Over the next couple of days Jadzia felt more anxiety from Ezri, anxiety directed at her instead of Kira. Ezri had been trying to teach her to remember difficult information when she didn't want to think about something, which was actually helping her remember the subspace lessons on medical confidentiality. She was trying to teach Ezri how to relax into the memories from previous hosts, how to follow them to the end and stop there without letting another memory start. The trouble was, Ezri was very good at controlling her own thoughts. Jadzia would only get a couple of seconds worth of thought on a sensitive topic before Ezri started thinking of something else, and since they were both trying to ignore the others’ thoughts, Jadzia often missed the preceding thought that caused Ezri to start blocking. Even though Jadzia knew it wasn't information on counseling a Betazoid with PTSD that was making Ezri worry, she couldn't tell what actually had the other feeling that way. 

"It's really frustrating when you do that." Jadzia sighed at Quark's, Ezri staunchly remembering a droning lecture on personality disorders in different species. 

"Because you can't tell what I'm not thinking of, or because you can't do it?" Ezri asked. "Or because your head is full of psychology knowledge?" She added. 

"All of that." 

"You like sharing thoughts?" Ezri asked. 

"I've gotten used to it." Jadzia shrugged. "You still don't like it?" 

"No, it's so annoying." Ezri sighed. 

"Well, I couldn't predict this would happen, I grew up on Trill and never heard about anything like this. We may be the first Trill to share a Symbiont at the same time." She continued even as Ezri frowned and another wave of worry washed over Jadzia, along with memories of unpleasant dealings with the Symbiosis Commission. They were still waiting to hear from Trill, over a week after contacting them, and it wasn't helping Ezri's mood. Ezri scowled at her half-heartedly, but couldn't deny it. "Gonna tell me why I make you nervous?" Jadzia asked. 

"Clearly not." Ezri replied casually, focusing on remembering exactly what the professor had said about Vulcans. 

"Well if you're going to remember something, at least remember something someone else experienced. I shouldn't be the only one practicing." Jadzia replied. 

"Like what?" Ezri frowned. Jadzia glanced up to the high ceiling above the Dabo tables. It would be perfect for a pair of gymnastics rings. "Not helpful." Ezri sighed. 

"A memory doesn't have to be helpful, you need to practice letting them in." Jadzia replied, immediately responding to Ezri's sullen, unspoken 'why'. "If you dismiss memories that don't immediately seem useful, you can miss out on a connection. A memory that seems unrelated to your surroundings can help you solve a problem. Or sometimes they just help you feel better." Jadzia shrugged and took a sip of her drink. 'Or worse.' Ezri added. Jadzia gave her a look that was almost a glare. Ezri maintained that she was the more mature Trill on the station, but she was sulking and refusing to do her homework like a child. And it wasn't as if Jadzia was asking her to remember something from Joran or Curzon, a gymnastics memory from Emony was one of the safest memories they had. Ezri scowled at her and Jadzia raised an eyebrow, daring the younger woman to prove her wrong. 

  
“Hey, Daxi.” Kira joined them.

“Hey, Kira.” Ezri grinned, glad to have an excuse to not remember another memory.

“Give us a second, Kira.” Jadzia smiled at her, pointedly remembering Emony’s set on the rings at her first Olympics. Her heart was pounding, hands chalky to soak up her sweat. Ezri glared at her, Jadzia glared back. Kira watched silently. Jadzia focused on remembering the rules for patient confidentiality if they were found unconscious.

“Fine.” Ezri huffed. She remembered the strain in her wrists as she performed a handstand on the swinging rings, remembered fearing she was going to kick the aerial camera flying around her, remembered breathing hard and grinning when she touched back down to the mat, remembered throwing up in the toilet after, remembered critiquing her technique watching the footage after. Jadzia laid a hand on Ezri’s shoulder, unsure if she was skipping through the set and continuing to remember off the mat on purpose to annoy her, or if she was unable to control the memory.

'The second option', Ezri glared at her.

“Ezri, you alright?” Kira asked, glancing between the Trill.

“I’m good, nothing to worry about. Sorry, that was just some dumb homework.” Ezri smiled and took a sip of her drink.

“Homework?” Kira asked.

“We’re teaching each other Trill stuff, but it takes practice.” Jadzia summed up.

“Glad you two are getting along better.” Kira smiled. “I don’t imagine spending all day with each other to be very helpful on that front, so I hope you’re able to go back to work soon.”

“Yes, please.” Ezri sighed. Jadzia tried not to take it as an insult, since she was also feeling restless and practically itching for something normal to do, even if it was just coordinating dockings and traffic for the station.

“Are either of you worried about it?” Kira asked.

“Not really.” Ezri shrugged, theorizing that her skills wouldn’t be too affected, that she wouldn’t be very distracted.

“Only a little, but that’s what we’re practicing for.” Jadzia replied, imagining knowing the deepest secrets of people on the station, that they told to the counselor in confidence; or worse, being the reason she or Ezri had to leave if no-one would visit the counselor due to their link. She really needed to have that conversation with Worf. Ezri's immediate thought was that she would be the one to leave in that situation, Jadzia was about to start arguing it again, but remembered Kira's presence. They didn't want to argue in front of their friends if they could help it. 

"You done?" Kira asked. 

"Done?" Jadzia repeated, both Daxi unsure what Kira was asking. 

"When you two send thoughts back and forth, you get this look on your faces, I can tell you're only half paying attention to the real world." 

"What do we look like?" Ezri asked. 

"You look… kind of like you're answering comms, kind of insulted." Kira replied after a few seconds' thought. Jadzia chuckled. "It's because you're arguing, right? But you don't want to do so in front of me?" Kira continued. 

"It's not so much that we don't want to-" Jadzia started. 

"It's partly that we don't want to-" Ezri added. 

"But it's also just the fact that it's faster, and hard to ignore someone in your head who's wrong." Jadzia concluded, Ezri rolled her eyes. 

"Would a third opinion help?" Kira offered. Probably not, but neither one wanted to turn Kira down. 

"Not in this situation, but we appreciate the offer, and we'll definitely let you know in the future if we need a third opinion." Jadzia replied. 

"Is there a precedent for this sort of thing?" Kira asked, the Trill shook their heads. 

"Neither one of us can find any mention of a symbiont regrowing after transference to a new host." Ezri informed. 

"So Jadzia's the first Trill to ever come back to life like that?" Kira stared at her. Jadzia nodded and breathed through Ezri's nervousness about the SC. 

"The aliens that found me said they helped Dax regrow, which implies sy was already regrowing on syr own. Julian must have clipped off a bit of syr tail when removing sym." 

"They can regrow?" 

"Apparently." Jadzia shrugged. "We don't think anyone on Trill knew about it, though. This probably never happened before since, especially when removing or joining, utmost care is always taken with the symbionts." 

"Sometimes at the detriment of the hosts." Ezri added, Jadzia glaring at her for adding that unnecessary information, Ezri glaring back for trying to defend the SC, especially after they almost let her die to cover up Joran. As though not vocally condemning them in every conversation was equivalent to supporting their methods. 

"So, are they going to want to investigate your connection any further than you already have?" Kira continued before the Trill could start arguing aloud. 

"I hope not." Ezri muttered, putting her chin on her hands. "Especially if they want us to go back to Trill for medical testing." 

"I doubt they will." Jadzia replied, trying to help Ezri feel better. "They haven't even gotten back to us yet, maybe Julian's reports were enough." She suggested. Ezri rolled her eyes. As though the SC would just let this slide. Dax was probably one of the most reckless symbionts, and now there were two of them. The SC would want to investigate, maybe monitor the Daxi directly somehow. Jadzia planned to raise hell if they made Ezri uncomfortable, though. She smiled into her drink as Ezri was half-pleased that Jadzia would stand up for her, half-annoyed that she was being assumed incapable of standing up for herself.

“Honestly, you two.” Kira chuckled, glancing between them. “How long would that conversation have taken aloud?”

“At least ten times as long.” Jadzia replied. 

The next day Jadzia went to Ezri’s quarters, intending to help her through some memories of past hosts, try to understand where she was having problems. Ezri wasn’t looking forward to it, but she wasn’t sending Jadzia ‘go away’ thoughts, or memories of sex with Julian. It was mostly psychology stuff again, blocking out other things. Since she was paying attention, though, Jadzia would get the occasional memory of Ezri’s failure and humiliation the night before, or anxious flashes of Joran’s memories, or Ezri’s joining, before the younger Trill could block them. By the time Jadzia reached her quarters, Ezri was already frustrated and tired. The door opened before she could press the chime and Ezri glared at her, focusing solely on the physical sensations of her emotions, the heat and tightness of her chest, dryness of her mouth.

“What are you so scared of?” Jadzia asked as she sat on Ezri's couch. The answer jumped to the front of Ezri’s mind before she could stop it, Jadzia towering over her, sneering down at her, telling her that she was a failure of a host. Ezri tried to block the anxious daydream with a memory of a lecture on personality disorders in joined Trill, but Jadzia’s reaction to Ezri’s daydream recalled a variation on it, Jadzia pitying her and saying that it was no wonder she was still struggling 10 years later, being unprepared for joining as she was. 

“Ezri.” Jadzia sighed and rubbed her temples, trying to focus. “You know I can’t help what I feel for you. But that means you can tell how proud I am of you. What happened to you sucked. That's not pity, it's just the truth. I’m the only other person in the entire universe who knows exactly the shit you went through with joining. You don’t have to hide from me so quit wasting energy on it.”   
“You’re right, but-!” Ezri’s thoughts were a jumble of memories, trying to beat back her anxious thoughts with logic, tinged with guilt over being station counselor and not being a paragon of mental health. 

"What about mindfulness?" 

"Never made much sense to me." Ezri admitted, remembering confusion whenever it was discussed in her classes. 

"Well I don't know about the psychology stuff, but I can at least guide you through Emony's first Olympic set on the rings." She reached for Ezri's hand. They sat on the couch together, holding hands. "Tell me the story." Jadzia directed. 

"I was so nervous. My heart was going a million KPH. I kept putting more chalk on my hands just in case." Ezri recalled, remembering the bowl of chalk dust, her whitened hands. "My wrists felt weak in the handstand. I was scared I'd kick the camera." 

"Back up, slow down. What was the first move?" 

"Full planche." 

"Then what?" Jadzia coached. 

"Handstand." 

"Go on." 

"Then getting the rings swinging while maintaining the handstand." 

"What ached most?" Jadzia asked. 

"My stomach. I'm a tiny bit worried about Dax. Then I lowered myself into an inverted cross. My wrists and shoulders ached more for that." Jadzia noted Ezri getting her tenses confused and squeezed her hand when she huffed. Jadzia gently guided Ezri through the rest of the set until they recalled Emony stepping off the mat and hugging her teammates. 

"Okay, stop, you don't need to remember any more, focus on me, on here." Jadzia squeezed Ezri's hand again as an anchor. Ezri's eyes roved her living room, counting the few warm-colored decorations. 

"Mindfulness." Ezri explained. "Works better for not thinking about something, though that's not the point of it." She took a deep breath. "Okay, your turn. Computer, play Vic Fontaine's rendition of 'I'll be Seeing You'." Jadzia frowned at Ezri's expectation of her ignoring her favorite song. “You know all the words, there’s no reason you need to listen to it right now. Think of something else.” Ezri directed.


	5. Arguing

"You and Ezri have been arguing about me." Worf stated that evening as they cuddled in bed. 

"No, we haven't." Jadzia frowned, confused. They hadn't really argued that day at all. 

"A Klingon warrior is many things. One of those is perceptive. I can see you glare at each other and glance at me." He replied. 

"Oh, that. That's not arguing about you, Ezri just… uses the fact that you're my husband to win the argument." She pressed herself closer to his broad chest. 

"What is the argument?" 

"Who will leave the station, if it comes to that." Jadzia sighed. 

"You both believe the other has more claim to stay." He concluded. 

"Yes, how'd you know?" She smiled. 

"You are both selfless and caring women." He adjusted his grip to hold her closer. 

"Worf, can we talk about that? About you and Ezri?" Jadzia could tell Ezri was trying to ignore their conversation, ignore Jadzia's worries. She could also tell it wasn't going well. 

"You have her memories. You remember her confusion about her attraction to me." Worf stated. 

"And I'm wondering about your attraction to her. Just assure me-" 

"I feel no attraction to her. When I slept with her, I was mourning you. I was… confused about her having your memories and what it meant for your place in Sto-Vo-Kor. Her anger reminded me of you. I vow to you, my par'Mach'Kai, that I am in love with no one else but you." Worf stated seriously. 

"Thank you. I love you too." She kissed his cheek and nestled her head under his chin. 

"How does Ezri use me to win the argument about who will stay on the station?" He asked after a minute. 

"If we can't both stay on DS9, I wouldn't want to ask you to leave, whereas Ezri doesn't have anyone here that she's that attached to." Jadzia sighed. "And she's been using that fact like a winning Tongo hand every time the topic comes up." 

"If that should happen, I would like to be included in the conversation." 

"Of course." 

Thinking about her husband, and how Ezri insisted she didn’t have any connections like that, lead Jadzia’s thoughts to Julian. Ezri remembered making out with him on the Promenade when they confessed their feelings to each other, like she usually did when she wanted Jadzia to stop thinking about something, but Jadzia wouldn’t be deterred. She’d promised she wouldn’t say anything to anyone, but she wasn’t going to have her very thoughts policed. While logically a datemate of a few months didn’t have the emotional significance or legal standing of a spouse, she’d never felt much emotional hesitance from Ezri about having to leave Julian behind if she were to leave the station. Ezri forcefully remembered having sex with Julian, focusing all her energy on it. Jadzia frowned and Worf noticed, rubbing her back.

“Not- not right now.” She patted his chest and sat up. It was always kind of weird to get a reflection of her old physical attraction to Julian, accompanied by her body reacting to Ezri’s memory, while Jadzia was lying with her husband. It almost felt like she was being unfaithful to him. Jadzia thought about Ezri’s reactions to Kira, idly rubbing her temple as a low headache began. Ezri’s nervousness around Kira, and constant awareness of where she was. Her wanting Kira to like her, notice her, but to not come off as anything other than friendly, to not be found out. Ezri was steadfastly remembering having sex with Julian. Jadzia huffed and went into the living room, hitting her combadge.

“Jadzia Dax to Ezri Dax, quit it.”

“You-” quit it; Ezri rebutted.

“You’re not going to stop-” me thinking about things; Jadzia interrupted.

“I don’t want to-” think about that; Ezri protested.

“I do. You’re free to visit-” a holosuite, or Julian, or just go to sleep; Jadzia was cut off before she could list alternatives.

“You know for a fact that-” wouldn’t work; Ezri replied.

“Then be the more-” mature one and deal; Jadzia scowled. If Ezri was going to think of her as immature, Jadzia saw no reason not to act like it when it suited her.

“I shouldn’t have-” to be the more mature one when I’m younger, single, and a junior officer; Ezri replied forcefully. Jadzia seized on the idea of ‘single’, not even having to say the word aloud to cut Ezri off. Ezri thought of herself as not being in a relationship. She felt Ezri’s heartbeat tick up another notch. ‘Stop, no, it was just a mistake, it doesn’t mean anything.’ crashed through Jadzia's head, but instead of anger, she felt anxiety. 

“Are you finished arguing?” Worf asked from the doorway.

“Yes, but I think I need to pay the counselor a visit.” Jadzia replied and kissed Worf's cheek, remembering their offer to each other to talk. Ezri imagined ordering the computer to not allow visitors, to not even alert her to the door chime, Jadzia remembered Ezri’s override code as she headed out the door. She got a flash of the idea that that wouldn’t work since their voice prints were different, before Ezri grabbed onto the idea of Jadzia trying to use her code. Ezri then cursed the fact that sharing memories meant they had no secrets from each other. Even secrets that Ezri didn’t want to admit to herself. Jadzia could practically feel Ezri’s scowl of disgust at her empathy on her own face. ‘It’s not pity when I’m literally feeling it too,’ Jadzia rolled her eyes, ‘get over yourself and let me in your quarters or I’ll do something dumb like bang on the door or take the access panel apart’. Ezri imagined Ben lecturing her for taking the panel apart, Jadzia began to plan how to do so with limited tools. 

When Jadzia reached Ezri's quarters the door again opened before she could hit the chime, she found Ezri curled on her couch. 

"Why-" don't you want to think about this? Jadzia barely sat down, barely got her mouth open before Ezri was answering.

'I don't know if my feelings for Kira are temporary and from you like my feelings for Worf and Julian, and I don't know if she'd want to date me, or if she'd be allowed, and if I'm in love with Kira that means breaking up with Julian and explaining why, and I don't want to hurt him like that, especially after Leeta broke up with him to date Rom, and it's nice to have a partner supporting me through this thing with the Daxi, and distracting me from your thoughts and our worries…' Ezri's anxiety hit Jadzia in the gut the same way her own anxiety did pre-Dax. Poor kid, having to deal with all this. Ezri glared at her, temper flaring at Jadzia's pity.

"Again, this sucks, objective fact." Jadzia stated. "How about I pretend to be you and you be counselor?" She suggested. 

"I don't know if that'd work." Ezri sighed.

'It can't hurt', Jadzia raised her eyebrows. Ezri sighed and uncurled enough to put her feet on the floor, though her shoulders were still hunched. 

"I don't want to break up with my boyfriend." Jadzia stated. 

"Why's that?" Ezri muttered obligatorily. Jadzia sifted through their memories and emotions. 

"I don't… want to hurt him… when I'm not sure of my emotions." Jadzia should have taken something for her headache before coming over. Ezri got her a hypospray from the medkit in the bathroom. 

"So you're worried you might break up with him and then what?" Ezri sighed as she tried to focus on what Jadzia was saying instead of her own emotions, but still allow Jadzia access. 

"What if I break up with him and… don't actually love someone else?" 

"So you're… worried you might want to get back together with him?" Ezri rephrased. 

"No… Maybe?" It was difficult to answer a question like that when Ezri was so unsure. This was a strain on both of them, but Jadzia wasn't going to be the one to give up. 

"It's important to be able to answer that question. There's nothing wrong with being single." Ezri replied. "If… this other person doesn't feel the same, would you want to get back together with your boyfriend, and if so, why?" 

"I don't think so." Jadzia replied slowly. "I think I like being in a relationship more than being with him. But I still care about him and don't want to hurt him. He's been hurt in the past." 

"His past is not your responsibility." Ezri advised. Just because Julian had been turned down before, it didn't obligate anyone to accept his advances. And besides, Jadzia mused, if Ezri broke up with him it would free him to date Garak, station gossip had it they'd been flirting for years. 'Station gossip you started', Ezri reminded her. That didn't mean it was wrong, though. 

"I worry that my feelings for my crush are… temporary, like my feelings for my boyfriend." Jadzia continued. 

"Is there any way to determine that without dating your crush?" 

"Not that I've found." Jadzia replied, Ezri sighed and put her head in her hands, but didn't have any rebuttal, even telepathically. 

"Ezri, I'm not saying you have to ask Kira out right now, or even ever, but let yourself admit you like her, and break up with Julian." Jadzia advised. 

"I know it's not fair to him." Ezri sighed. "It's just safer, you know?" 'It's almost always easier not to do something' she added internally. 

"Disappointing people is part of living. A part that sucks." Jadzia admitted, thinking of all the other parts of Ezri's life that sucked, particularly to do with her joining.

'Stop pitying me' Ezri glared at her.

'Sorry, trying' Jadzia frowned. Patient confidentiality, think of patient confidentiality.

'Or some other complicated thing', Ezri advised, 'like astrophysics anomalies, or unsolvable theorems, or that brain teaser holoprogram.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the KiraDax Discord for giving me the idea of Jadzia taking Ezri's doorbell apart for the drama. 
> 
> I'm trying to format my fics the way Ao3 wants to hopefully make them more readable. What do you think? Is there anything I can change to make this easier for you to read?


	6. Her Stomach Was In Knots

Jadzia tried to ignore Ezri breaking up with Julian, she really did, but how was she supposed to focus on medical confidentiality or even astrophysics when her stomach was in knots, and Julian was nodding and looking like a gossamer mouse with a trod-on tail? Jadzia had not thought this through, she’d managed to forget while urging Ezri to break up with Julian that she’d end up being audience to it. Ezri scowled internally at that realization. Julian was very understanding, and admitted that he had been feeling guilty because of the possibility that he had taken advantage of Ezri's confusion about what she liked and what was from Dax. Ezri didn't seem overly annoyed at Jadzia's eavesdropping, especially after she gently noted that Ezri was rambling. Likely Ezri had finally gotten used to their link. In Jadzia’s estimation, they broke up about as peaceably as they could, Ezri didn’t even steal Kukalaka. Ezri did get annoyed with her for that thought, having to suppress a smile. 

“Should I- is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?” Ezri asked.

“You don’t have to counsel me, Ezri.” Julian assured with a sad smile. “I’ll be fine. Part of me is glad that I don’t have to feel this guilt anymore, like I’m manipulating you.”

Neither one of the Daxi knew how to respond to that. Julian certainly hadn’t intended to take advantage of Ezri’s confusion, but her feelings for him had been borne out of Jadzia’s old feelings for him, and they had both recognized that possibility at the beginning of the relationship, as well as Julian’s feelings for Ezri possibly being borne out of his old feelings for Jadzia. While Jadzia could completely understand their ignoring that fact to focus on their bodies’ immediate wants, she was surprised that their relationship had lasted this long, with both of them knowing it was built on shaky foundations. Ezri was definitely getting annoyed with Jadzia’s line of thought.

‘I already hate myself enough, thanks’ she thought sarcastically. Jadzia invited her over to her quarters. Ezri was concerned about Worf’s reaction, but Jadzia brushed it off.

“Worf, I’m inviting Ezri over.”

“Why?” He frowned in confusion.

“She could use a friend right now.”

“Would you like me to leave you alone?” He offered.

“It’s up to you if you want to deal with us or not.” Jadzia replied, knowing their unique communication could be annoying to others.

“I will spend all the time with you that I can.” He murmured, coming up behind her and wrapping her in an embrace. Jadzia was struck again by the fact that her husband had believed her dead, and mourned her for months, while for her it was only a week or so. 

Ezri let her know well before she arrived that she didn't want to think about the breakup. Jadzia suggested Worf give them a Mok'Bara lesson, and both of them agreed. Jadzia was glad to see that focusing on Worf's instructions, the slow and deliberate movements, helped Ezri calm down, and Jadzia and Worf's teasing each other helped her mood. 

The next day Benjamin called the Trill to his office to inform them that the Symbiosis Commission finally contacted him, they were going to arrive at the station in a few days and expected both Daxi to be there. Their thoughts were flooded with Ezri's treatment immediately post-joining, Jadzia's near-miss regarding Joran, Curzon's unquestioned reputation, Joran's joining, the things Audrid suspected but didn't investigate… Jadzia couldn't tell how much of the anxiety she felt was from Ezri, but there was just too much of it to be from one person. Evidently she wasn't as at peace with the SC as she thought she was. Ezri broke her clasped hands to grab one of Jadzia's and anchor her. Benjamin just informed them of the Commission's ETA and dismissed them, frowning at their emotions being so strong as to break through their professionalism. 

'How many steps to my office?' Ezri asked as she led Jadzia out of Benjamin's office. Even though Jadzia knew the counselor was just trying to distract her until they were in private, the question surprised her. 'What's your hypothesis?' Ezri pressed as the rest of Ops looked at them curiously, standing in front of the Captain's office holding hands. How many steps to Ezri's office? 50? 200? More? 

"We're just practicing Trill stuff, nothing to worry about." Ezri assured the others. If a humanoid's height to stride ratio was approximately 0.425 on average and Jadzia was 1.82 meters tall… The SC was on their way. Ezri pulled her out of Ops, counting steps, doing her best to keep Jadzia presentable until it was safe for her to let her anxiety out. Wasn't Ezri anxious about this, too?

'Of course, but I can wait until you're was feeling better, I've had training for this sort of situation', Ezri replied. 

They entered Ezri’s office and Jadzia didn’t stop walking, pacing as Ezri replicated them both some tea to try and calm their stomachs. Jadzia held hers tightly. The Symbiosis Commission was coming, they already didn’t have a very favorable view of Dax, they’d already been willing to sacrifice Jadzia to protect Dax, protect the Trill way of life. Now there were two Daxi, two hosts, would they consider one expendable, or worse, not supposed to exist? Would they exile one of the hosts, not allow her Dax to be passed on? Ezri was the logical choice, not having family on Trill, and not wanting to be joined in the first place, but she had the original Dax. Did that even matter? Were the Daxi distinguishable beyond the host, being linked as they were? Undoubtedly the SC would want to do further experiments on their link, focusing on the Daxi themselves, how they transferred memories. 

They already knew that most physical sensations with an external cause weren’t transferred between the hosts, when Jadzia got tired and sore from sparring Worf, Ezri didn’t feel it, but sensations with an internal, emotional cause were transferred. Which meant that while the tea helped somewhat, they’d have to deal with both of their anxiety to feel better. Ezri was letting Jadzia pace and think, just counting Jadzia's steps and savoring her tea, waiting until Jadzia was ready to talk. Jadzia set her tea down before slumping into a chair and looking at Ezri expectantly. 

They both had the same memories of Ezri's training, and basically the same anxieties, so just having a conversation should help. What were they going to do, though? If the SC decided to exile one of them?

'I'll take exile with hardly any fuss', Ezri thought calmly.

'But what if they wanted to exile me because my Dax is regrown and yours is the original?'

'We don't know yet if there's any appreciable difference between the Daxi, and if there is, we could argue that you, being the intended host to Dax, have more claim to Trill than me, emergency host with family on New Sydney. How would you feel if the symbiosis Commission insists that your regrown Dax is lesser, and shouldn't be passed on to another host?' Ezri took control of asking questions, trying to corral Jadzia's racing worried thoughts. 

'I'd-' Jadzia fought. While logically she knew that both Daxi had her memories, and either one would pass her and Ezri's memories to the next host, to be told she was lesser, undeserving… It hurt, it scared her like she was still an Initiate. Jadzia reminded herself that she wasn't an Initiate anymore, she'd been given the honor of a symbiont, and not even death could take that from her. 

Thanks to their link, both Daxi would have all memories of both hosts as long as they were close enough to transfer, within a klick or so, they'd discovered. Logically, the host who lived longer should have their Dax passed on, since it would have more memories. Both Trill took a deep breath.

'Do we have any other worries?' Ezri asked. Nothing that could be soothed now, it was all worry about what the Symbiosis Commission would say, how they would treat the Daxi, what they would want to investigate. Ezri thought wryly about how short this session was turning out to be, simply because of how quickly they conversed, and their inability to lie well or hide things from each other. 


	7. Daxi (1)

“Daxi, wait up!” Kira called, both Trill turned to look behind them on the Promenade. She looked stunning in her lavender dress uniform as always, walking quickly to catch up. "I wanted to wish you both good luck before we get there, and remind you that we're on your side if need be." 

"Thank you, Kira. It means a lot to both of us." Jadzia smiled, holding her hand as they continued to the airlock. 

"Ezri, you're alright letting her speak for you?" Kira asked. 

"Yeah," Ezri nodded, "Jadzia's naturally more-" 

"You can say 'talkative'." Jadzia chuckled. 

"What were you going to say?" Kira asked. 

"Friendly." Ezri replied. 

"Very diplomatic." Kira smiled. 

"She's currently winning our argument over who's more mature." Jadzia added, though Ezri was worried it would somehow let Kira know about her crush. 

"I'm the only reason she's in her dress uniform on time." Ezri explained casually. "I don't know if argument is the right word." 

"Disagreement, bargain, in-joke?” Jadzia suggested.

“Maybe in-joke.”

“Since coming back, have you ever been the more mature one?” Kira teased.

“Once or twice.” Jadzia defended, laughing as they approached the airlock. 

"Good to see you all in high spirits." Sisko smiled, Bashir nodded at them. "And good to see you on time, Jadzia." 

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?" She smiled at his teasing, ignoring Ezri’s anxiety and sadness at seeing Julian, though Jadzia's face froze when the exterior airlock door to the Trill ship opened. Benjamin stepped forward to greet, Bashir and Kira stepped behind the Trill, out of the way. They could see the tightness of the Daxi’s hands if they looked down, the Daxi had both nervously clasped their hands behind their backs. The Trill women glanced at each other, one last minute check to make sure that their anxiety didn't show on their faces, that they looked presentable. The interior airlock door opened. 

Four spotted Trill stepped out and introduced themselves. Benjamin introduced them all. Once that was over, the Trill doctors asked to begin their tests. 

"What will that entail?" Jadzia asked, stepping in front of Ezri, ignoring her annoyance. 

"Please explain the tests to us." Ezri said. "We know the necessity of understanding the symbionts' link, but we still deserve to know what's being asked of us, and given the opportunity to revoke consent." 

"Of course." A doctor replied. "We brought a medical scanner that can read the symbionts. We attach pads to your torso, and get readouts on the symbiont." They explained. 

"We hope it will help us determine how the Daxi are communicating." 

"It won't hurt at all." The others added. Ezri took Jadzia's hand as she stepped forward, the two of them accepting the procedure. 

"I'm sure Dr. Bashir would like the opportunity to observe." Jadzia added. 

"Certainly." Another doctor nodded. Benjamin and Kira bid them farewell, heading to Ops as the Trill and Bashir entered the Trill ship.

The Daxi removed their dress uniform tunics and lifted their undershirts for the sensors, sitting next to each other on a biobed. The doctors would soon be able to tell how anxious they were due to their brains being connected to the symbionts'.

"If I may ask, how does this differentiate between the thoughts of the host and the symbiont?" Bashir asked. 

"You can't. Trill aren't naturally telepathic, so by comparing these results to each other and to those you already have, we hope to be able to find any differences that could point to how the Daxi are communicating." A doctor explained. "This scanner is specialized for joined Trill, and we believe it to be more detailed than what you have on the station." 

"Don't the symbionts communicate in the pools?" Ezri asked, remembering previous hosts' trips down to the caverns. 

"Yes, but that's through electrical signals. It shouldn't work when they're out of the pools." Another doctor explained condescendingly. 

"Everyone in this room has specialized knowledge, there's no need to patronize." Jadzia snapped as Ezri got annoyed at her protectiveness again. 

"Okay, I'm turning the scanner on. Daxi, please look away from each other." A doctor instructed as the others retrieved padds. "One of you will be shown a simple image, the other will have to select the correct image from a group. Please be as fast and accurate as you can be. Ready?" 

"Yes." 

"Ready." They replied. The doctors stationed themselves to keep the Daxi's gaze off each other, and the test began; the 'simple image' turned out to be shapes. Jadzia was shown a circle, Ezri selected a circle on the padd she was shown. It changed to a display of a triangle, Jadzia selected a triangle. Their competitive streak kicked in and they began trying to see who was faster. After a minute the test was stopped and all the doctors gathered around the computers as the Daxi wished one of their hosts had been a symbiologist to be able to understand what they were discussing. Jadzia looked to Julian, but he was frowning in confusion. 

"From what we can tell, there's absolutely no change in your brainwaves from before this happened." One of the doctors explained. ‘Like Dax has played by the rules anytime in the last 200 years.’ Ezri thought sarcastically, Jadzia suppressed a smile. 

Their next test was each reading a different story at the same time. 

"Would you like us to focus on our story, or each other's?" Jadzia asked.

'How large of a headache are we going to get?' Ezri added internally. 

"Ah, both?" A doctor suggested. "This isn't a test of how well you can process or remember each other's experiences, this is simply material for the Daxi to communicate so we can try to determine how it's happening."

'We're not the interesting ones, the symbionts are,' Ezri summed up, 'we knew they're more interested in symbionts than hosts'. Dax's history did have that concerning trend. Though perhaps that was just Dax, especially after Joran. She wondered if Kahn's hosts had similar experiences. Though she probably shouldn't think about her ex-wife with the Symbiosis Commission right here. 

"How does this machine tell what we're thinking?" Ezri asked. "Can you see what I want for lunch?" 

"It's not that precise." A doctor explained. "The brain is still incredibly difficult to examine, I'm sure you have experience with that as a counselor. We can see both your brainwaves on the readouts, nearly synchronized."

"So you didn't know if we were matching shapes correctly, you just wanted us to focus on the other's thoughts." Ezri nodded. 

“With every test, we’re trying to narrow the parameters of what we’re scanning to try and identify how your brainwaves are being transmitted.” Another added. 

"I'm assuming you want us not looking at each other again?" Ezri asked as she was handed a padd. The doctors nodded and Ezri turned her back to Jadzia, who did the same. They waited until the doctors turned the scanner back on to start reading their padds, backs against each other.

Jadzia had been given a story of a mathematician who wanted to be remembered for their contributions to their field. Ezri had been given a story of two teens falling in love for the first time. Ezri sighed, Jadzia could feel her annoyance at the simple and formulaic story she was given, and Jadzia's was similarly without drive. There wasn't even any sufficiently advanced mathematics for her to engage with.  They both suppressed sighs and rolled eyes as they read, trying to ignore the doctors' discussion, and focus on both boring stories at once. They rubbed their temples, getting bored, tired, and annoyed. 

"I thought physical sensations weren't transmitted." One of the doctors frowned. 

"They're not, we're just both getting stressed and tired." Jadzia sighed. "Does it matter what we read? We both keep up to date with the literature in our respective fields, I'm sure we could find publications we'd be more interested in fairly quickly." 

"Would that prevent a headache?" 

"No, but it might distract us from them." Jadzia replied. Ezri was still slogging through her romance story. The doctor looked to the others, who nodded. 

"We'll pause the test, see what preliminary results we can determine while you both select something to read. We'd rather not introduce drugs into the test, even a simple painkiller." 

"We understand." Jadzia nodded. After a few hours of testing, however, the Daxi were stressed, hungry, and had headaches. Jadzia invited the doctors to Quark's for lunch, Ezri and Julian joining them. 

"Do you know anything about which Dax will be chosen to be joined to the next host?" Jadzia asked. "I doubt the Symbiosis Commission would want both passed on." 

"We're not part of the politics of Joining," a doctor shook their head, "our only goal is to determine how your symbionts are communicating." 

"If only we could study the Daxi alone, unconnected to you." Another frowned. Neither Dax was comfortable with the concept of their symbiont being removed and replaced, especially after Jadzia had to deal with Verad, and Ezri's joining, which was supposed to be temporary. 

"Would it be possible for us to put a note in our file regarding which Dax gets rejoined?" Ezri jumped in. 

"I don't see why not." 

"We can't guarantee your wishes will be honored, but we can make sure they're known." A different doctor replied. "Will you both write a note?" 

"We can collaborate." Jadzia replied. 

"Would that be something you could do after lunch, that could be scanned?" Bashir asked. 

"I don't see why not." Jadzia shrugged.

“Counselor?” One of the doctors asked just as Ezri took a bite of her lunch.

“She’s fine with it, as well.” Jadzia answered with a smile. She thought about rolling her eyes at Ezri’s being pleased, by letting Jadzia take point on speaking for both of them, Ezri could eat her lunch while it was still warm. Ezri smiled at her. Jadzia wondered if this made her the more mature one for now, Ezri stopped smiling and Jadzia snorted.

“They’ve been doing that pretty much since Jadzia returned.” Bashir informed the Trill doctors.

“Sorry, private joke.” Jadzia excused. 

After lunch they returned to the Trill ship, Jadzia and Ezri assessing their own and each other's feelings about continuing the testing. Their earlier testing on DS9 had mainly been about discovering the limits of their link, this was more involved. Or perhaps their stress was higher due to the sensors on their stomachs, and the fact that it was the Symbiosis Commission conducting the tests. They were a bit revived from having food and a break, but still had headaches. Neither one wanted to ask to stop or get a hypospray, though. They sat beside each other and composed a letter to the Symbiosis Commission, briefly summarizing their link and explaining why whoever lived longer should have their Dax passed on for joining. They debated adding in a paragraph or two on exile, but decided they didn’t want to be the ones to bring up that possibility. When they finished the letter the doctors looked over the results from this latest scan. They still didn’t find any clue as to how the Daxi were communicating.

“You’re not getting any closer to figuring this out, and as the Daxi’s primary care physician, I must insist that at the very least they be given an extended break or something for their headaches.” Julian frowned.

“You still have headaches?” A doctor frowned. The Daxi nodded.

“I propose stopping further scans until tomorrow.” Julian stated. “That will allow the Daxi to get painkillers if they want them, and allow you to come up with a different way of monitoring the symbionts.” The Trill doctors all nodded, Jadzia and Ezri accepted hyposprays before heading to their quarters to nap. They wondered if Julian was currently explaining that due to their link, they got headaches more frequently, and they wondered if the team of doctors would have some other way to scan them the next day, but their thoughts didn’t keep them awake for long. 

Worf woke Jadzia to ask if she wanted dinner, and she enjoyed a peaceful few hours with her husband thanks to Ezri sleeping dreamlessly. She wondered if Ezri would wake early due to falling asleep so early, and hoped she didn’t dream that night so the other Dax host would have the opportunity to not have Jadzia’s thoughts in her mind. 

"How was it?" Worf asked. 

"It was fine." Jadzia replied honestly. "They scanned our brainwaves through the symbionts while they asked Ezri and I to do things that required the Daxi to communicate. As we anticipated, they were far more interested in symbionts than their hosts, which led to some accidental disrespect at first. I didn't expect reading an astrophysics journal and writing a letter to wear me out so much, but collaborating with Ezri so closely, paying attention to what she's thinking instead of trying to ignore it, it was a strain. And the doctors didn't want anything to interfere with their scans, not even a hypospray for a headache." 

"You have a headache?" Worf frowned. 

"Not anymore. After four or five scans with no results but a headache, Bashir insisted we stop scanning for the day, he stayed to talk with the Trill doctors and Ezri and I got hyposprays and came home for a nap." 

"Is she here? I did not see her." 

"No, no. I misspoke." Jadzia smiled. "She's asleep in her quarters, not even dreaming. It's like old times, I'm alone in my head." 

"Aside from everyone else." Worf added. 

"Aside from everyone else." Jadzia agreed with a smile. “How was Ops?”

“Nothing of interest happened. Would you like to hear about it anyway?” Worf asked. Jadzia nodded with a smile. 

"You know, I'm still alone in my head." Jadzia said leadingly as they finished dinner. "And I'm not quite ready to go back to sleep." 

"Perhaps I could help tire you out." Worf rumbled with a smirk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently found this meme that is entirely me.
> 
>   
  



	8. Daxi (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably shouldn't be posting this since I just finished it last night, but I'm excited to finally have this chapter done! I also updated the formatting in previous chapters that should make the Daxi's telepathic conversations easier to follow.

The Daxi received a comm during breakfast. 

"Bashir to Jadzia Dax and Ezri Dax." 

"We're here, Julian." Jadzia replied. 

"Please bring a change of clothes to the Trill ship when you arrive. You may be asked to get wet."

“Why?” Ezri asked immediately.

“It may be easier for us to detect the Daxi’s communication through a medium more similar to the pools on Trill.” He explained.

“Okay, Jadzia out.” She sighed and closed the commlink, remembering her time in the pool, accepting Joran’s memories. It might be best for her to bring a swimsuit. Ezri agreed. They went to the ship together, each carrying a swimsuit, change of clothes, and a few padds in a small bag, wondering how long it would take for them to get headaches. 

“Ah, Daxi.” One of the doctors greeted, they all smiled. “Since measuring your brainwaves directly didn’t yield the results we’re looking for, today we’re going to try to measure the messages between the Daxi. The difficult part is, we don’t know how they’re communicating, so we don’t know what form the messages are in or how to measure them. So today will be a lot of trial and error.” They explained apologetically. “Today should also be less strenuous than yesterday, please make yourselves comfortable. Are you interested in the detailed results of our tests at the end of each, or should we not interrupt you?” 

Ezri’s immediate thought was that she wasn’t likely to understand the detailed results, and would prefer to focus on reading. Jadzia was unsure if she’d understand their results, but one of them remembered that neither she nor Julian had understood much yesterday. 

“We’d prefer to just read unless you need our input.” Jadzia replied. She and Ezri both got comfortable in chairs and pulled out a padd. They did their best to get immersed and ignore the beeping of the tricorder between them. Some results of Sisko’s finding B’Hala had finally gotten published and Jadzia focused on that, trying to ignore Ezri's article on C-PTSD and the Dominion War. 

The Daxi both frowned and looked up from their padds as their headaches spiked, each rubbing her temple. Jadzia missed being so absorbed in what she was reading that she wasn’t aware of her headache, or the other Dax host. The doctors looked at them curiously and shut off what they were doing.

“You could hear that?” One asked.

“Not hear so much as feel. Our headaches suddenly got worse.” Jadzia answered, reminding Ezri to unclench her jaw. “What was it?” 

“Supersonic waves. The symbionts might have been communicating using a frequency that humanoids can’t hear.” Another doctor answered.

“That could pass through bulkheads and forcefields?” Ezri asked doubtfully. Julian gestured to her with an open hand, clearly he had raised that same point and been overruled.

“This was nearly a last-ditch effort.” One of the doctors admitted. “The only other way we could come up with to discover how the Daxi are communicating is by recreating a symbiont pool and seeing what we can measure with you two in it.”

“Are you still willing to do that?” Another doctor asked. Both Daxi shrugged and nodded. “It’s about midday station-time, would you want to get lunch before or after?” 

Ezri wanted to have lunch after, then go to her quarters and nap off her headache again.

“How long would the recreation of the pool take to set up?” Jadzia asked, wondering if they’d prepared one ahead of time.

“It depends on how precise your holodeck is. Ours is lacking.” A doctor replied.

“In that this ship is lacking a holodeck.” Another added flatly.

“Quark has holosuites, we can buy a few hours’ time in one. I’m not sure what his specs are, you’ll have to talk to his brother about that.” Jadzia replied. Bashir and one of the Trill doctors went to go find Rom. 

“While we wait, did you find anything?” Ezri asked. 

"We found that nothing we've tried has produced appreciable results." A doctor sighed. "The Daxi aren't communicating in any way that we've tried to measure. If either of you have any hypotheses, they're very welcome." 

"All I can think is that Betazoids can tell what others are feeling, but that doesn't seem very applicable." Jadzia replied, Ezri shook her head that she didn't have any ideas. Neither host could hypothesize how their memories could be transmitted so fast across such vast distances and obstacles as they'd experienced. They didn't expect this latest test to reveal anything, either, but planned to insist on stopping for the day once the test was over, and hopefully the doctors would accept their lack of results, go back to Trill, and leave them alone. They realized the likelihood of that happening was slim, but they both hoped for it. 

“Did none of you feel that supersonic pitch you created?” Jadzia asked. All the doctors shook their heads. 

“It may be due to us being unjoined, or being older than you.” One hypothesized.

“Julian and I are nearly the same age. I think.” Jadzia frowned, unsure how the auditory systems matured in Humans compared to Trills (her exobiology courses hadn’t been _ that _ involved), or how Earth years compared to Trill years. 

Julian and the doctor returned and let them know that the holosuites could create the specialized equipment they’d need to measure the activity in the pool, and could create the pool itself. Julian also informed them that if they created a tone that highly pitched again, Quark was going to report them to Odo for things like hurt and suffering, and disturbing the peace. Jadzia frowned, having forgotten just how sensitive Ferengi hearing was. But at least they wouldn’t have to replicate the liquid for the symbiont pool one bucket at a time. She and Ezri changed into their swimsuits as the doctors went to get the holosuite ready. She remembered the liquid in the pools as being on the cooler side of tepid, not cold, refreshing in the heat of the caverns, but cooler than one would like on the station, what with the environmental controls set so that long sleeved clothing was comfortable. Both Daxi were just looking forward to this testing being over, being able to get a hypospray, eat, and have a nap. Jadzia wondered if Ezri had woken early, she had, and had enjoyed a peaceful, quiet breakfast, alone with her thoughts. 

Quark grinned lewdly at them and tried to involve them in conversation as they headed to the holosuites in their swimsuits, but they just waved at him and kept walking. They were relieved to find the holosuite warmer than the promenade, and sat in the pool when a doctor nodded them to. It was cooler than they’d like, Ezri reminded them to unclench their jaws, Jadzia rested her arms out of the water to try and soak up more heat. 

“Is it possible to make this a couple degrees warmer?” Ezri asked, arms tight across her stomach, wondering if she’d start to shiver soon. “We’re already tired, and having to expend energy to keep warm takes energy that Dax could be using…” 

“Oh, certainly, we apologize.” One of the doctors responded. “Computer, increase temperature of fluid in the pool by 3 C. We set it to the standard for symbionts, but Trill would need it warmer, of course.”

“Thanks.” Ezri smiled as the water got slightly warmer. The doctors lowered sensors into the pool and asked them to sit as far from each other as the pool allowed, to give them the best chance of measuring the Daxi’s communication. 

“We don’t have our padds.” Jadzia realized and informed the doctors with a frown. “Maybe we could do one test,” she ignored Ezri glaring at her for proposing lengthening the test, “where we just relax and let the Daxi do their thing, another where we actually focus on something? It may give differing results.”

“Well, it certainly can’t hurt.” One of the doctors responded. “Ezri, you seem opposed to the idea.”

“I just don’t want to delay lunch too much longer, but it’s fine, it’s not like each test is going to take an hour, right?” She smiled, but it faltered as the doctors conversed. Jadzia sent apologetic thoughts. 

“We can do each test for about 10 minutes each, and determine afterward if there’s any indication that a longer test would be beneficial.” A doctor announced. “You’re not the only one looking forward to lunch, don’t worry.” They smiled. 

The doctors instructed the Daxi to relax and began their measurements. Jadzia pretended she was playing the Altonian brain teaser she’d once shown Julian, working to ignore Ezri focusing on the sensation of the cool water, relaxing her muscles starting with her toes… Eventually the doctors announced that the test was finished and asked if they had any ideas for content that could be shared between the Daxi. Neither Jadzia nor Ezri had any viable suggestions.

“I’ve got an idea.” Julian offered, sitting by the edge of the pool. “Jadzia, how are your confidentiality lessons coming?” Jadzia frowned, she’d nearly forgotten about that with all the stress of the past few days. If she couldn’t prove to Starfleet and the station that she could protect patient confidentiality, Ezri wouldn’t have a job. And she had to prove it soon, Starfleet already wanted one of them to transfer, and Ezri’s patients were no doubt struggling without her. Ezri tried to convince her that it was alright, but it was without heart.

“How do I prove that I can protect patient confidentiality?” Jadzia asked.

“Well, you might be given a test as to what does and does not fall under confidentiality, but other than that, you prove it by doing it.” He answered. “Are you worried?”

“A little.” She admitted. “I’m not worried about being able to keep secrets, I’m-”

“You don’t need to be.” Ezri cut off, interrupting Jadzia’s fear that no-one would visit the counselor due to their link.

“I think I do.” Jadzia retorted. She wanted to ask Julian his professional medical opinion, but stopped at Ezri’s discomfort with the prospect of arguing with her ex, even over something unconnected to their relationship. And now that Ezri and Julian were no longer dating, even if one of them had to leave the station, it would be easier for it to be Ezri. "You're not making that decision alone." Jadzia stated aloud for emphasis, glaring at Ezri. 

"It makes sense-" Ezri started. 

"Not for your job." Jadzia countered. Ezri had patients on the station, people who couldn't just follow her wherever she was transferred to. Jadzia could do science wherever, could do the long-distance thing with Worf if need be, plus he'd requested to be a part of making that decision. Ezri huffed and crossed her arms. 

"Well, we don't know what will be necessary yet, so we can't decide that now." Ezri replied. 

"So stop trying to." Jadzia stated. Julian just watched them argue, interrupting each other, until they were both quiet. 

"I see. Ezri, how are your lessons coming?" Julian asked. The Daxi glared at him, annoyed with his transparent tactic to get them communicating by provoking argument. "Well, neither one of you had any better ideas." He defended. 

Jadzia wondered what would cause unjoined Trill to become symbiologists, surprised that all 4 scientists studying them were unjoined. Ezri hypothesized that they had been Initiates who hadn't been Joined, or were more interested in the theory and science of Joining than wanting to experience it themselves. Before receiving Dax, she'd had a psychological interest in Joining and its effects, but zero interest in being joined. 

"I have a suggestion for an activity that would require the symbionts to communicate?" One of the doctors suggested. "You could each tell one word of a story or something." 

"Sure." Jadzia nodded. 

"Okay." Ezri shrugged. She remembered a memory. 

"When." Jadzia started. 

"I." Ezri continued. 

"Was." 

"Lela." 

Jadzia debated getting a raktajino with lunch as they changed back into normal clothes, but Ezri remembered that they wanted to nap afterwards. And it wasn't a guarantee that caffeine would help her exhaustion and headache, since this was a special kind of tired. She was half tempted to try anyway, the scientist in her wanting to test the theory, but decided she didn't want to be kept up, exhausted and unable to get to sleep. 

"Bashir to Jadzia Dax and Ezri Dax." Her combadge relayed. 

"Yes?" She groaned at being woken from her nap. 

"The Trill doctors don't have any further ideas on how to investigate the link between the Daxi, they'll be leaving tomorrow morning." He informed her. 

"Okay, thanks, Julian." She yawned. 

"Does Ezri know?" 

"I'll make sure to tell her." 

"Thanks." 

"Night, Julian." 


	9. One More Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I wrote a few thousand words of false start that I'll post at the end of the fic as a sort of 'deleted scene', but once I removed that I was able to avoid writing myself into an angsty corner, and now I'm back! Still no update schedule though.

Over breakfast Ezri wondered what sort of tests they'd be doing that day and Jadzia remembered that the doctors would be leaving that morning. Ezri must have slept through Julian's comm. Jadzia debated seeing the doctors off, deciding she probably should, for politeness and leaving a good impression. She wasn’t wearing her dress uniform, though. Ezri agreed that dress uniforms would be too much. 

When they arrived at the airlock, Sisko, Kira, and Julian were already there, looking apprehensive. 

“What’s going on?” Jadzia asked, trying to convey a more serious tone than wary. Ezri thought she did okay. 

“The symbiologists have asked to perform one more test, the outcome of which may delay their departure.” Sisko replied. 

“I thought you finished all the tests yesterday, what’s this one?” Jadzia asked. 

“I have a theory.” One of the doctors started, stepping forward. “If what you said yesterday is correct and the symbionts’ telepathic communication is similar to Betazoid telepathy, we may be able to inhibit it. It would involve a hypospray, but all my research suggests that it would be perfectly safe for hosts and symbionts.”

“Doctor Bashir?” Sisko asked.

“In order to have a more solid opinion, I’d need more time to do research. Everything I’ve read so far suggests no adverse effects.” He replied.

“What about the rest of you?” Sisko asked the scientists. 

“While we have no reason to believe the symbionts’ communication is directly medically analogous to Betazoid communication, the hypospray should have no effect on the hosts or their symbionts.” One of the doctors replied.

All eyes turned to the Daxi. An experimental hypospray. Though it had the confidence of all 4 symbiologists and Julian Bashir. But confidence wasn’t certainty. And they wouldn’t try to kill both Daxi, Jadzia had nearly died for political reasons, and they would want one Dax to live. Unless both Jadzia and Ezri died and both symbionts were taken back to Trill for testing. And even if this wasn’t attempted murder, they couldn’t be 100% certain how they would react to the hypo without running the actual test, what if the Daxi’s telepathy had somehow changed their body chemistry, amount of neurotransmitters or something? 

“We’d feel better if Doctor Bashir had a little more time to investigate, a few hours perhaps?” Jadzia suggested. 

“I can be much more certain with two hours of research.” He confirmed. 

“Sure.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“We’re here to help.” The Trill doctors replied. After a little talk Sisko and Kira returned to Ops, two of the doctors followed Bashir to the infirmary while the other two left to wander the promenade or something. Jadzia and Ezri gave blood samples to ensure the most accurate computer models and found a quiet table at Quark’s. 

Jadzia knew she was catastrophizing, but stopping her worries was difficult, even for Ezri. The chances that the Symbiosis Commission would try to kill them were very low, but not non-existent, it was possible that even one of the doctors were in contact with higher ups who had to do with the politics of joining. They could have been building trust over the past couple of days, and suggest this experimental, more invasive test once they had some rapport. The Daxi had to trust Julian to keep them safe. Was it possible their telepathy was in any way similar to Betazoid telepathy? Ezri tried to steer their thoughts away from attempted murder. Betazoid telepathy was a far more known quantity, while theirs was, as far as they could tell, one of a kind. There was no reason that the symbionts would respond like Betazoids in any way, they were entirely different species from entirely different planets in entirely different star systems. Their evolution would be nothing alike. Their biochemical makeup would be nothing alike. From what Jadzia and Ezri knew of Betazoid communication, it wasn't very similar to what their symbionts were communicating. But certain traits were evolutionarily favored over and over, bipedal locomotion, sexual reproduction, a similar arrangement of appendages, similar functions of internal organs; perhaps there were limited ways telepathic communication could occur. And none of the other tests had had any appreciable results, so it was likely that this test would end the same, and only delay the scientists’ departure by a few more hours, they might be gone before dinner. Jadzia was impressed with how well Ezri was handling this situation, being Dax kept throwing challenges into her life that she'd never asked for. Ezri responded that she knowingly took that risk when she consented to join with Dax on the Destiny, and there was no changing it, and no use feeling bad about it, though it was frustrating. 

Julian called the Daxi to the Infirmary, assured them that according to all the models and testing they did, the hypospray should be completely inert. Jadzia looked over the models and results for a few minutes, assuring herself that nothing had been tampered with. 

“Julian, you know how I am with doctors, can you do me a favor?” She asked quietly, leading him a few steps away. 

“What is it?” He frowned. 

“I’d just like you to be the one to handle everything, physically I mean. If you could be the only one preparing and administering the hypospray.” Jadzia was only partially lying about the source of her anxiety. 

“Certainly.” Julian nodded with a small smile.  
“Thanks.” She smiled in relief. As much as Ezri had slightly more faith in the Symbiosis Commission than Jadzia, she was also relieved that Julian would be in control of the hypospray. 

The Daxi received the hypospray and sat facing each other on bio-beds. 

“It should start to work within a few minutes, we were thinking that one of you could read something and the other say it aloud?” One of the doctors suggested. 

“Sure.” Ezri sighed, holding her hand out for the offered padd. It was a news article about an attempted break in at the Bank of Bolarus, Jadzia did her best to summarize from Ezri’s impressions from the article, Ezri listening to and mentally correcting her. The quotes and mental images became harder to parse, more like Jadzia was remembering telling a story instead of remembering the experience, until the only memories she had of the news article were of the past. She found herself looking down in concentration and looked up at Ezri, who was staring at her. 


	10. Had It Worked?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time: Jadzia and Ezri got an experimental hypospray in a last-ditch effort to try and stop the Daxi communicating telepathically.

Could Ezri not hear her thoughts? Had it worked? Were they really separated? They looked to the three doctors, who were looking at them expectantly. One of the Trill doctors grabbed another padd and showed it to Jadzia, an isosceles triangle. Jadzia looked at Ezri, who just shrugged and shook her head.

“Nothing.” She said softly.

“A guess?” The doctor asked.

“Another story? I have no clue.” Ezri shook her head again.

“It seems to have worked.” Julian stated. “It will take at least a few hours for your body to process it, unfortunately we have no way of knowing a minimum effective amount. I’d like to take blood samples to measure the current dose, and for you to stay here for just 15 minutes more to ensure no unforeseen side effects. After that I see no reason for you to stay, please return when it wears off so I can take another blood sample.”

“Sounds good.” Jadzia replied. Ezri nodded. Jadzia looked to the two Trill doctors. “When are you going to go brag to the others that it worked?” She smiled. One of them chuckled.

“It’s not really bragging, we can tell them at lunch.” Julian took blood samples and after that Jadzia made herself comfortable on the biobed, laying down. Ezri stayed seated.

“Just so you know, I’m getting a little nauseous.” Jadzia stated a minute later.

“Ezri?” Julian asked. Ezri nodded, Jadzia didn’t need telepathy to know she was uncomfortable, it was clear on her face. Julian thought a second. “If you would like medication I can provide it, but it may interfere…”

“I’m good for now.” Ezri replied.

“I feel the same.” Jadzia added.

Jadzia kept glancing back to Ezri, ironically wondering what the other woman thought about having privacy in her own head again. 

“When do you think we should tell Ben?” Ezri asked. 

“We should probably wait until we know how long this is going to last.” Jadzia replied. 

“As in each dose? That could take time to figure out.” Ezri said. 

“Yeah, figuring this out is going to mean more testing. How long is a dose effective for, are there any long-term side effects, does it work if only one of us does it…” Jadzia listed. “Maybe we should tell him today.” 

“That would probably be best.” Ezri agreed. “But we can wait until we know a little bit more if it would make you more comfortable.” 

“Yeah, just in terms of being able to tell Benjamin more about it.” 

After Julian cleared them to leave sickbay they headed to the Replimat for lunch. Jadzia grabbed a table while Ezri got in line, but a minute later Ezri was back to confirm what Jadzia wanted. They had to adjust back to not being able to speak for each other anymore. 

“Hey, mind if I join you?” Kira smiled. 

“Go ahead.” Jadzia grinned at her friend. 

“Worf asked me to tell you he’s busy with something. How are you feeling? How was it?” Kira sat. 

“We were nervous, despite all the models, it was still an experimental hypospray, but so far it worked and we’re only nauseous.” 

“It worked?” Kira looked to Ezri, waiting in line. 

“We’re not getting memories from each other. Julian doesn’t know how long it will last. The Symbiosis Commission doctors will want to stick around for at least another few days.” Jadzia sighed. 

“Are they going to keep wanting to do tests?” Kira asked. 

“Probably more invasive tests,” Jadzia nodded, “which, to be honest, I’m really not looking forward to.” She imagined Julian making an incision to place some type of monitoring device on Dax directly. 

“Makes sense.” Kira said softly. “You know you don’t have to do it. What are the chances that the results would even be applicable for other Trill?” 

“In this exact situation, pretty low, but I have no idea about broader implications, Dax has never been a symbiologist so I only partly understand the biochemistry of what’s going on and how it may apply to other Trill, other situations.” 

“Try not to let that influence your decision too much.” Ezri said softly, setting their meals down. Jadzia gave her a look. “If you can try to protect me from the Symbiosis Commission, I can try to protect you.” Ezri replied evenly. 

“Can you even counsel Jadzia, having each other’s memories?” Kira asked. 

“We tried something before. It kind of worked.” Ezri hedged. “Might work better now that our symbionts are quiet.” 

“How’s Ops?” Jadzia asked, knowing Ezri wouldn’t want to talk about that counseling trial with Kira. 

“Same as always.” Kira shrugged. “I can tell you the details once I get lunch.” She left to get in line. 

“Thanks.” Ezri murmured to Jadzia. When Kira returned she caught Jadzia up on all the interpersonal details Worf didn’t notice or left out, while the Trill women picked at their meals. 

The hypo's effect still hadn't worn off when Julian's shift ended, he told them that he had let Jabara know what was going on, and that the Daxi may be going in for a blood draw. He asked that they alert him when that happened so that he could start his analysis, Jadzia and Ezri both refused. 

"If it's not a medical emergency, we're not going to interrupt your personal time." Jadzia stated. 

"No matter how interesting you may find the work, it's still work, and your mind needs a break from it." Ezri added. Julian frowned at them, but didn’t argue. Jadzia went to find her husband. 

“Neither you nor Ezri knows what the other is thinking?" Worf repeated as they walked to their quarters, hand in hand. 

"That's right." Jadzia smiled. "For all I know she may be in a holosuite practicing gymnastics right now. I doubt she is, she doesn't much like gymnastics, but I don't know for certain." 

"My par'Mach'kai." Worf rumbled, stopping to hold her close. "I had hoped for this moment." 

"Worf, wait." Jadzia stopped him. "Before you do anything you might regret, this isn't permanent. Julian said it's going to wear off at some point, and when it does, our symbionts are going to transfer memories again." 

"Thank you." He replied, and gave her a soft kiss. "I have something I would like to show you, but I would rather keep it between the two of us." 

"I understand." Jadzia smiled, though she wished she could see it now. "Is this surprise what you've been doing on your lunch breaks?" She missed spending lunch with her husband when he said he had something he needed to work on. 

"It is. I am nearly finished." 

"I can't wait." She grinned. 

Over dinner they discussed their days, Worf told her about what happened in Ops, Jadzia admitted her anxieties about the Symbiosis Commission doctors. She had more of an appetite than she did at lunch, she didn't know if her nausea had decreased, her body had acclimated and she was able to ignore it better, or if dinner was simply more appetizing than lunch. During dessert Jadzia suddenly remembered Ezri’s afternoon and sighed. She wanted to finish dessert with her husband, just the two of them, but she had to go to the infirmary for a blood draw, and wait until at least the next morning to not be in constant communication with Ezri. At least she wasn’t alone in feeling that way, though the other Dax host was already on her way to the infirmary instead of trying to continue what she had been doing. 

Jadzia wondered as she walked, about if this would help Ezri be able to go back to work, if they could keep taking the experimental drug round the clock so that they didn’t transfer memories, if they would build up a tolerance, or excess of something, if their bodies would react to repeated hyposprays, if the nausea was a permanent side effect, or if it would abate with time or could be mitigated. Ezri didn’t have any answers, though she slowed her pace to let Jadzia catch up. They could communicate across nearly the entire station, but it was still nice to be able to roll their eyes, scoff, and chuckle at what the other was thinking, and see that reaction instead of remembering it. At the Infirmary Jabara assured them that there was no need to alert Julian and the Symbiosis Commission, and that their blood samples wouldn’t degrade at all overnight. 

On the walk back to the habitat ring they compared symptoms from the hyposprays. Not being distracted with conversation, and being more sensitive to nausea, Ezri was fairly sure that her nausea had actually abated slightly before the drug wore off. They hadn’t noticed any other side effects, and hoped that the makeup of the drug could be altered in such a way that it would maintain its efficacy but lessen the nausea they experienced. It would take time for Julian to find the right ratio, though, and the only way to test the efficacy was on them. Even though they were providing informed consent, they wished there was a better way, wished that a more accurate computer model could be generated. 

Jadzia also wished that the Symbiosis Commission doctors would go home, but knew that her residual anxiety about their presence was unfounded. The doctors themselves had been nothing but nice to her, had been perfectly respectful after she pointed out their condescension. Ezri rolled her eyes at the memory of Jadzia standing up for her, Jadzia lightly elbowed her and remembered Ezri trying to stand up for Jadzia’s right to revoke consent that afternoon. Jadzia hadn't been that polite, nor Ezri very effective in their efforts to protect each other, but they were trying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is going to be 12 chapters total, then the 'deleted scene' chapter. Going to be updating Saturgays.  
As always, comments very much appreciated!


	11. Telepathy Inhibitor

The next morning they were back in the infirmary with Julian and all four Trill doctors, trying to explain how the drug worked. It was a telepathy inhibitor for Betazoids, they hadn't actually expected it to work so well, or at all, on symbionts or Trill hosts. The best they could determine, it was solely the symbionts’ brains and not the hosts’ that were being affected. If it were possible to image the symbionts' brains, they would likely show different patterns than normal, though the hosts’ brain scans hadn’t changed since Jadzia’s return. The drug was somehow inhibiting the symbionts’ telepathy, which would be seen as a change in brain scans, if they were possible. Jadzia and Ezri were glad they weren't going to try to image the Daxi's brains. Julian and the doctors were analyzing the drug and their blood samples, trying to determine which components were most effective, if any were ineffective, and which might be the cause of the hosts’ nausea. They currently had very few leads. 

They did have an approximate timeline for the effective dose of the drug, and Julian asked if the Daxi would consent to another dose, this time with regular blood draws to see how their bodies processed it, which would show them the metabolization rate for each component, which might be indicative of efficacy. They both consented and laid on biobeds to get blood draws, receive the hypospray, and let it take effect. One of the doctors offered a padd, but Ezri refused and started remembering a child’s play rhyme, specifically Tobin’s daughter singing it at the top of her lungs. Jadzia glared at her, but Ezri only smirked with the thought that they would be able to tell when the drug took effect. Jadzia sighed. 

“Are you both alright?” A doctor asked. 

“Yeah, she’s just being annoying as a litmus test of our connection.” Jadzia replied. 

Within a few minutes her potential headache had eased, the memory of Tobin’s daughter replaced with other errant thoughts. Jadzia decided to test if Ezri was still receiving her thoughts, and the first thing that came to mind was having sex with Worf for the first time. Ezri didn’t react. 

“It’s working.” Jadzia announced. One of the doctors took another blood sample from each of them. Jadzia marveled again at how used to their connection she had gotten. She missed instantly knowing Ezri’s opinion on things, being able to share jokes unknown by anyone else, across the station. “We didn’t get headaches yesterday.” She realized. 

“You’re right.” Ezri replied, having not noticed it at the time, either. “I don’t know how relevant it would be, since we have had days without headaches before, but it’s definitely something to keep track of.” 

“While we wait,” a scientist approached, “would you be willing to return for blood draws every, say, 2 hours?” 

“I can do that.” Ezri nodded. 

“Sure.” Jadzia agreed. “We can remind each other-” She stopped as she remembered that they wouldn’t be in mental contact, couldn’t remind each other with a thought. 

“Through comms if need be.” Ezri finished for her. Jadzia smiled at her in thanks. 

“Nausea’s showing up.” Ezri sighed. A minute later Jazia definitely felt it as well, what had been a suspicion or hint only a minute before was unmistakable now, and quickly became unignorable. She wondered if Ezri felt it first due to receiving the hypospray first, her shorter stature, or both. 

“Did we get the same dose?” Jadzia asked. 

“Yes.” The scientist who took their blood samples replied. “For today we’re just focusing on getting more information, we’re not ready to start altering variables. Lowering the dosage will likely be the first variable tested, we don’t want to be giving you any more than necessary, either one of you. The plan is to lower the dose for both until the effective time is where you’d like it, then lower Ezri’s dose to see if that affects the efficacy. After that, I imagine the composition of the drug might be the next test, or testing whether both of you need it in order for it to be effective. That will be up to you two and Dr. Bashir, we will certainly be back on Trill by that point.” 

“And you’d like Dr. Bashir to keep you updated on his findings.” Jadzia guessed. 

“If possible, it may prove beneficial in the future.” 

“I don’t see why not.” Jadzia shrugged, Ezri nodded in agreement. 

"We forgot to tell Ben yesterday." Ezri mentioned as they left the infirmary. 

"Oh, right." They headed to Ops. Everyone looked up as they entered and Jadzia smiled winningly. "Sisko available?" She asked as she and Ezri headed to his office. 

"Yep." O'Brien nodded. Jadzia hit the chime and the door opened. 

"Daxi." Ben greeted with a smile. 

"Has Bashir updated you on the results of yesterday's test?" Jadzia asked. 

"He let me know that the results look promising, and the Trill doctors will be here for a few more days." 

“They gave us a hypospray, and it’s working so far.” 

“Working as in you don’t know what the other is thinking?” Sisko asked. 

“Yes. Yesterday it worked for about 12 hours. There’s still a lot more testing to be done, but we figured we should keep you updated.” 

“I appreciate it, I hope this works out. I know you were both getting aggravated by the constant connection. Anything else either of you wanted to talk about?” He asked, they shook their heads. “Alright, have a good day.” He dismissed them. 

"So far this is better than I dared to hope for." Jadzia admitted quietly once they were out of Ops. Ezri glanced at her questioningly and Jadzia got them a couple of hot teas at the replimat. "Especially after the first day with the Symbiosis Commission doctors, I never expected that anyone would be able to stop the Daxi's connection." She explained. "I fully expected that one of us would have to leave the station. But it's looking more likely that we can keep this up long term with little to no side effects, you can keep counseling patients and I can stay out of that relationship." 

"As long as this is safe for all 4 of us to be taken long-term, and we can time it right so that we don't end up sharing memories while sleeping or something." Ezri added with a sip of her tea. Jadzia couldn't tell if she was more annoyed at Ezri for bringing those points up, or dismayed at the points she raised. 

"Yeah." Jadzia sighed, looking down at her own tea, deciding frustration wouldn't help the situation. "Well, look at it this way. No matter what, we're going to be famous, have articles written about us." She joked half-heartedly. She didn't have to be connected to Ezri to sense that the counselor was debating how best to react to Jadzia's coping mechanism. 

"Yeah, these articles are going to be loads better than 'Emergency Host Loses Entire Sense of Self Due to Influx of Memories'." Ezri replied casually. Jadzia smiled humorlessly. 

"Yeah, instead of a case study on the first emergency joining in years, we're the first hosts to symbiont telepathy ever." 

"Oh boy, more case studies where I'm the subject instead of the interviewer." Ezri sighed sarcastically. 

"I think a case study from your point of view would be really interesting and potentially quite useful." Jadzia replied sincerely. "Maybe you could collaborate with Bashir-" she stopped as Ezri's mouth twisted up, the younger woman looking down at her tea. "Sorry." She hadn't thought their breakup was that awkward, but apparently Ezri wasn't yet ready to be alone around Julian for extended periods of time. 

"Hey, I'm not going to be in your head, you can tell Kira how you feel." Jadzia suggested. The Symbiosis Commission’s arrival had distracted them from Ezri’s crush quite effectively. 

"I am so not ready for that." Ezri's shoulders slumped. 

"I've never felt ready for that, remember how nervous I was to actually tell Worf I was into him when he didn't pick up on my hints? What if he had been ignoring them because he didn't want to date me?" 

"True…" Ezri murmured. 

"Plus all the other Dax hosts and how nervous they were to ask people on dates. At some point you have to just take the chance that they say no, and ask them. Pretending to be more confident than you really are always worked for me." Jadzia continued, taking a sip of tea. 

"Yeah, I just have to channel you." Ezri chuckled. “Though that wouldn’t make sorting out my feelings any easier.” She added with a sigh. 

“My feelings for Kira are confusing you?” Jadzia asked. 

“I had a crush on her before I even met her, and you used to flirt with her a lot.” Ezri pointed out. 

“Yes, but she didn’t reciprocate, so I backed off and moved on.” Jadzia replied. 

“But now I’m confused about if what I’m feeling for Kira is from your memories, like-” she sighed, “with Julian.” 

“Oh.” Jadzia frowned. “Well, Kira never had a crush on me, so if she has romantic feelings for you, it has nothing to do with me.” 

“That doesn’t help me sort out  my feelings.” Ezri replied. 

“So tell her.” Jadzia advised. “You know I’m not a fan of secrets, tell Kira you think you have romantic feelings for her, let her make an informed decision.” 

“Maybe.” Ezri murmured into her tea. 

“I didn’t realize my memories of flirting with her were so powerful.” Jadzia noted quietly. 

“They’re not powerful compared to say, you flirting with Worf, but they still confuse me.” Ezri replied. 

"But you’re not romantically attracted to Worf.” Jadzia pointed out. “You can differentiate between my memories and your own feelings, so what you’re feeling for Kira is from you.” 

"But I thought the same with Julian.” Ezri countered. “You haven’t had romantic feelings for him in years, I thought what I was feeling was my own attraction.” 

“Is what you’re feeling for Kira like what you felt for Julian?” 

“It’s so much more.” Ezri shook her head and took a sip of tea. 

“From what I remember, you really feel for her in a way I don’t. I think you should let her know. At some point, when you’re more comfortable.” Jadzia advised. 

“I don’t know that I’ll ever be comfortable around her.” 

“Well, then…” Jadzia raised her eyebrows and took a sip of tea. There was no reason for Ezri to not tell Kira sooner. Ezri shot her a look. 

They finished their tea quietly. 

“I think I’m going to head to the holosuites.” Jadzia said, standing. “See you at the infirmary.” 

“See you.” Ezri echoed. Jadzia selected a hang-gliding program and spent over an hour enjoying the quiet and the scenery below. She scarcely wanted to admit it to herself, but everything was going well. The Symbiosis Commission was leaving soon, both she and Ezri were staying on the station, they seemed to have found a long-term suppressant to the Daxi’s telepathy, Ezri could return to work... She’d have to talk to Benjamin about where he wanted her, if he had another CSO. Eventually the holosuite chimed and let her know she had 5 minutes left. She ended the program and headed to the Infirmary. 

“Any interest in sticking around for preliminary findings?” Jadzia asked Ezri as they gave blood samples. 

“Not right now, I’m in the middle of rearranging my quarters.” 

“I’m available if you want a hand.” Jadzia offered with a smile. 

“I’ll let you know.” Ezri replied, smiling as well as she left. Jadzia hopped up on a biobed to wait. 

“Well, we can tell you which components you’re metabolizing most quickly, and make inferences as to how they’re affecting Dax, but it’s only been a few hours.” Julian told her once they had finished their analyses. “We only have a few data points to draw conclusions from.” 

“I get it, I was just hoping.” Jadzia smiled. “And kind of bored.” 

That evening Jadzia and Ezri were both sitting in the infirmary, waiting for the hypospray to wear off. She’d spent much of the day reading and using the holosuites. Ezri had single-handedly rearranged her quarters, without an antigrav cart, and insisted that her back felt fine and she didn’t need a hypospray. 

“Nausea’s gone.” Ezri noted; Jadzia felt it more clearly when she thought about it and nodded. So far it was a definite precursor to the hypospray wearing off. A minute later the Daxi relinked and shared their memories of their afternoons. Ezri’s new furniture placement looked good. 

“It wore off.” Jadzia stated, they gave blood donations and waited a minute more while the computer synthesized the new data and drew conclusions. Julian told them that the doctors were fairly certain which components of the hypospray caused which effects, and tomorrow they would try to lessen the ones that caused the hosts’ nausea while maintaining the effectiveness of blocking the telepathy. 


	12. A Few Weeks After

It was a few weeks after the Symbiosis Commission doctors had left, Julian had reworked the hypospray and added an anti-emetic so that it didn’t make them nauseous. They’d determined that only one host had to get it to block the symbionts’ telepathy, and had been taking turns every 11 hours for the past week, so that their bodies could process it but they didn’t transfer memories, and didn’t both need multiple hyposprays per day. Jadzia had done her best to sneak out of bed when her turn for a hypo had been in the middle of the night, Worf had insisted on going with her if he woke. They were now waiting for the last hypospray to wear off, to see how long the transfer took, how much of the other’s past week they’d each remember. Jadzia was anxious for Ezri to be able to go back to work, it had been over a month since Jadzia had returned to the station, and Sisko would rather have everything sorted before Jadzia resumed her role as CSO. It was mid-shift and Worf was at work, so Jadzia was recording a log of herself reading an article aloud. She hypothesized that during the transfer she wouldn’t be able to focus on the text in front of her and would go quiet, afterwards she could see how long the break was. 

“Okay, the transfer’s over, and nothing about Ezri’s week is standing out to me, hopefully that continues when we return to work. Or that we can keep this up indefinitely. Computer, end log.” She sighed. “Computer, the extended section of that log with no speech, how long was it?” 

“11 seconds.” 

‘Wow.” Transferring a whole week’s worth of memories only took 11 seconds. She wondered how it compared to when she returned to the station and got all of Ezri’s memories, if it was a linear relationship, which would make the most sense. Ezri mused that nothing about this situation really made much sense. Tomorrow morning it was Jadzia’s turn to go to the infirmary for a hypospray, since their extended experiment hadn’t had any adverse results that they could detect. 

The next morning Worf walked with Jadzia to the infirmary as Ezri got resettled in her office, then the couple headed to Ops. Kira gave her a hug and everyone welcomed her back. She gave Worf a kiss on the cheek before she went to talk to Benjamin. He grinned at her. 

“You ready to be back, Old Man?” 

“I’ve been ready for weeks.” She smiled. “As far as we can tell, there’s no downside to Ezri and I blocking the Daxi’s telepathy for extended amounts of time, and when they transfer a larger amount of time, it’s harder to focus on a single event.” She assured him. 

“Good to hear. I know you’ve been itching to get back to work, I won’t keep you.” He nodded towards the door. 

“Thanks again for everything, Ben.” She grinned and left. It was nice to be back at work, to have something productive to do, to spend time with her friends. 

That evening Worf sat them on the couch. 

“Do you remember when you took the hypospray for the first time, and I prepared a surprise for you?” He asked. 

“I remember.” Jadzia grinned, and Worf took out a padd. 

“My wife. Love of my life. Second half of my heart...” Jadzia’s eyes filled with tears as he read her a love poem. 

“Oh, Worf.” She breathed when he was finished. “I love it. I love you. Can I hear it again?” 

“Of course.” He replied with a small smile.    
“One second. Computer, universal translator off.” She nodded for him to start, grinning. 

“be'nalwIj vIleghpu'. muSHa' vo'wIj yIn. tIqwIjDaq 'avwI'pu' tIqwIj...” 

Back at work, and undisturbed by Ezri’s thoughts or the knowledge that she would be disturbing Ezri, Jadzia was eager to spend more time with her husband. They walked to and from Ops together, had every meal together, and of course slept less at night. 

One evening, a few weeks later, they headed to Quark’s after dinner for drinks and sparring in the holosuite. As they walked along the promenade Jadzia spotted Kira at a table more tucked away, sitting across from Ezri. Jadzia smiled at the pair, Kira smiled and raised a hand in greeting, Ezri smiled knowingly. When they were past, Jadzia let herself grin fully and held Worf a little tighter in excitement. He looked at her questioningly. 

“I’ll tell you later.” She promised. “I’m debating if I should have bloodwine or springwine before our date.” 

“Sparring is not a date.” Worf replied, his tone more confused than final. 

“Well, we’re together, alone, doing something we both like, and we’re even wearing special clothing.” Jadzia answered with an innocent raise of her eyebrows. “If I have bloodwine, you’ll join me, right?” 

“I would prefer we not have alcohol before sparring. Would you accept synthehol?” 

“C’mon, Worf, we’re not ensigns.” Jadzia chuckled as they walked up to the bar. “I’m going to have a glass of bloodwine.” She told Quark. Worf gave a small sigh. 

“I will as well.” He stated. Jadzia kissed his cheek. After they finished their drinks it was their turn in the holosuite. 

"What did you want to tell me about Kira and Ezri?" Worf asked as they stretched. 

"I thought you don't like me gossipping?" Jadzia asked cheekily. Worf shot her a look. 

"You are going to imply that they were on a date." He guessed. 

"More than imply." She responded. "You're my husband so you don't count, but you can't tell anyone because I promised Ezri I wouldn't tell anyone." 

"I have kept many secrets." He vowed seriously. Jadzia kissed his cheek, glad to be able to talk to her husband about this. She was so excited for the pair. 

"Ezri's had a crush on Kira for a while. Months." 

"She also had a crush on Dr. Bashir." Worf pointed out. 

"Which is why she was nervous about acting on her crush on Kira, but we talked and I encouraged her to go for it." 

"Do you have a crush on Kira?" 

"I used to, before I met you, but she didn't reciprocate." Jadzia shrugged. 

"Do you think they are well-suited for each other?" 

"I think they could be, and there's no way to know aside from trying it out." 

"About trying it out, and people you knew before you met me…" Worf didn't meet her gaze as Jadzia remembered him calling her (Ezri) a sli'vak. "When Ezri and I were stranded together, I called her something I shouldn't have, based on people you knew before me." 

"I remember." Jadzia replied evenly. 

"I wanted to apologize. It was dishonorable of me to hold that against either of you." 

"Thank you. You should apologize to Ezri, too." 

"I will." He said quietly, clearly not looking forward to the conversation. 

"Ready to spar?" She smiled. 

“I am. Computer, a standard set of mek’leth.” 

“Computer, one standard bat’leth.” She grabbed the weapon and swung it at her husband. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! Thank you so much for reading, comments always very much appreciated. Next Saturday the deleted chapters will be posted, starting with chapter 9. They include things that didn't make it into the rewrite, like Jadzia sleeping over in Ezri's quarters!


	13. *Deleted Scenes*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A false start that got quite far along until I realized I'd written myself into a corner. Starts with chapter 9, you may want to reread chapter 8 for reference.

#### 9 

Over breakfast Ezri wondered what sort of tests they'd be doing that day and Jadzia remembered that the doctors would be leaving that morning. Ezri must have slept through Julian's comm. Jadzia debated seeing the doctors off, deciding she probably should, for politeness and leaving a good impression. She wasn’t wearing her dress uniform, though. Ezri agreed that dress uniforms would be too much. 

“So you and Jadzia Dax know what each other is thinking all the time?” A patient asked.

“Yes.” Ezri answered for the 7th time that day.

“So anything I say to you?”

“Will still be held in strictest confidence.” Ezri assured. “Jadzia has taken classes on patient confidentiality. If you’d like to speak to another counselor I completely understand, I can recommend to you a few counselors you could speak to over subspace who I think would be a good fit for you.” Jadzia rested her chin in her hand in Quark’s, feeling horribly guilty. Ezri suspected a number of her patients would elect to start with another counselor, which would undoubtedly set their progress back, and cause her to lose trust with them. Ezri insisted that none of this was Jadzia’s fault, but it was her presence that was creating the issue.

“Does Jadzia know what we’re saying right now?” Ezri’s patient asked.

“Yes. Though hopefully she’ll be rejoining the science team soon, which will divert her attention. And we’ve both been working on ignoring the other’s thoughts while I’ve been on sick leave.” Ezri replied simply. Her patient stood, towering over her, staring down at her with a scowl and fear shot through the Daxi’s stomachs.

“Yeah, right. Everyone knows she can’t keep her mouth shut, now that you can’t keep your head shut I guess I have to find a new counselor. Really nice welcome back.” He shot as he left. The Daxi sighed. 

That evening in quarters Jadzia remembered the sharp fear as Ezri’s patient stood over her. It wasn’t something she was used to. Ezri was on the smaller side of average, slight build, in hand-to-hand combat with an angry patient, she’d lose. Jadzia remembered Worf looking down at her, glaring, calling her a _ sli’vak _. She could feel Ezri’s discomfort with the memory, her urge to excuse it with Worf grieving, but Jadzia wasn’t letting him off that easily.

“You called Ezri a _ sli’vak _ for people I dated before I met you?” She asked suddenly, harshly. Worf stared at her in surprise for a second.

“She did have dinner with Captain Boday…” He rumbled, not meeting her gaze.

“Dinner, Worf! And that’s not what I’m upset about! Is that how you think about me? That I’m a _ sli’vak _ for dating people before I met you? For having sex before marriage?”

“No, that is not at all how I think about you.” He assured.

“Well I’m the one who did those things.” Jadzia countered. “If Ezri’s a _ sli’vak _, I must be too.”

“I did not mean it.” He protested.

“You thought it. You SAID it.” Jadzia replied. “OH you make me so angry sometimes! I don’t care if you were mourning me or thought Ezri was me! It’s the fact that you’d say that to either one of us! I thought you were better than that, Worf. I’m angry, I’m insulted, and I’m disappointed.” Ezri offered her couch and Jadzia left Worf to head to the counselor’s quarters. 

Jadzia worked to remember Ezri’s interactions with Worf as she walked, while Ezri did her best to think of anything else. Jadzia focused on the memory she already had, trying to work forward or backward, grab at any related memory. Ezri remembered Worf teaching them Mok’Bara. Jadzia remembered them having a discussion on Alexander in the runabout, both getting upset. Remembered Worf suggesting they not speak. She hit the chime for Ezri’s door, which immediately opened.

“I’m not doing couples counseling for you, especially with Worf not here.” Ezri stated before Jadzia could even open her mouth.

“But he-” called you a slut for people I dated; Jadzia protested, why wasn’t Ezri more upset about this?

“Was grieving.” Ezri interrupted. Worf hadn’t understood the differences between Jadzia and Ezri.

“He still-” shouldn’t have said what he did; Jadzia countered.

“Yes, but neither of us was in our right minds.” Ezri replied, remembering the whole series of events. Putting up with horrendous space sickness to find her ex-husband. Arguing with him, crash landing, arguing some more. The confusion over Jadzia’s memories. Having sex. Getting taken prisoner by the Breen, undergoing torture and a mental probe. Escaping the Dominion thanks to Damar. The quiet trip back to DS9. Jadzia sat on the couch. Ezri sighed and stared at Jadzia, unsure what she would do with this information about her husband.

“I can’t believe you told him he-” wasn’t that good; Jadzia giggled.

“Jadzia!” Ezri protested. This was serious. But Jadzia could laugh about Worf getting taken down a peg by a tiny junior lieutenant first. “He really does respect you.” Ezri said softly. “He didn’t mean it.-” We were both confused; 

“He’s still sleeping alone tonight.-” Thanks for this; Jadzia replied. 

“You opened your quarters-” to me when I broke up with Julian, I can do the same for you; Ezri replied.

“He did encourage you to-” date Julian, Jadzia remembered.

“We were both wrong.” Ezri shut off that train of conversation. Jadzia debated explaining to Worf where her sudden anger had come from. Ezri would rather she not go into detail, would rather not have people worry about her being too small for things, her most recent Starfleet fitness test showed she could take care of herself. 

Thinking of Ezri’s upset patients reminded them of their argument over who should leave the station if it came to that. 

“We don’t even-” know if it will get to that point, people can see other counselors over subspace; Ezri started. 

“They’d rather-” see you, Jadzia countered. Ezri herself had earlier acknowledged that switching counselors could set some of her patients back, having to rebuild that trusting relationship with a new counselor because they no longer trusted Ezri. Knowing that it was Jadzia’s fault caused her horrendous guilt, but if Jadzia left the station, possibly leaving her husband behind, it would cause Ezri horrendous guilt-. Ezri started singing a childrens’ play rhyme as loud as she could in her head. Jadzia glanced at her apologetically, the counselor had gone to the replicator, and ordered a couple Fanalian Toddies before Jadzia could ask. 

Jadzia wondered if a counselor should be drowning her feelings in alcohol, but Ezri replied that she was done being a counselor for the night, and wanted to enjoy some synthehol like any other person. Jadzia wondered what it would be like, telepathy while buzzed or drunk, Ezri handed her a toddy with the thought that they might find out tonight. Jadzia would need more synthehol than a single toddy to get drunk, though the replicator was right there. Ezri was smaller and therefore needed fewer drinks to feel the effects, which was good when trying to get drunk, or when paying for real alcohol, but not as good at parties, though being able to shake off the effects of synthehol helped with that. Jadzia idly wondered what they could safely talk about, not work, or Worf or Julian, her mind drifted to Kira and Ezri’s mouth dried, thinking of Kira’s smile. Their anxiety about the Symbiosis Commission had pushed Ezri’s crush from their minds.

“We can-” talk about her if you want; Jadzia offered. 

“It’s embarrassing.” Ezri muttered. To have a crush on her commanding officer like some star-struck ensign. 

“It’s normal.” Jadzia countered. Kira was a beautiful woman, strong, passionate, Jadzia had been intrigued since the day they met, and Ezri since she processed those memories. “That’s what-” you’re stuck on, huh? Jadzia asked. 

“Yeah.” Ezri sighed. Her own feelings for Kira versus Jadzia’s. Ezri had had a crush on Kira before she met her, and separating her own feelings from Jadzia’s very similar ones made her crush even harder to parse. 

“Well, I don’t want-” to kiss Kira, Jadzia pointed out. Ezri remembered Jadzia joking around and teasing Kira just a few days prior, but it was a more exploratory and curious remembering than accusatory. While those actions could certainly be read as flirtatious, Jadzia had only seriously flirted with Kira for a few years, backing off when Kira continued to not reciprocate. Kira knew how Jadzia felt, and didn’t initiate a romantic relationship, so Jadzia didn’t push it. Ezri’s romantic inclinations towards Kira might have initially been affected by Jadzia’s memories, but they were currently entirely her own, should she choose to act on them. Ezri sighed in frustration, feeling pressured, and Jadzia amended that she didn’t intend to pressure the younger woman, just help sort out her feelings. 

Ezri slouched back on the couch and sipped her drink, even if her feelings for Kira were genuine and from herself, she couldn’t act on them. Kira was her superior officer, and had never shown interest in romantic relationships with non-men. Jadzia sat back as well and raised an eyebrow, they had only known Kira for about 6 years, had no idea who she dated previously. Ezri countered that this very telepathic communication would likely prevent Kira (or anyone) from wanting to date her, and while the idea upset Jadzia and she wanted to comfort Ezri, she had no rebuttal. As long as they were both on the station, they’d be in telepathic contact, which would absolutely deter people from wanting to date Ezri. Their conversations kept returning to that. Ezri sighed into her drink. They didn’t know how the Daxi were communicating, so they didn’t know how to stop that communication while remaining within a kilometer of each other. Jadzia imagined making a faraday cage suit to prevent any electromagnetic waves getting to or from Dax, and Ezri snorted. Even if Jadzia used a fine metal mesh, it would have to cover every centimeter of her body, even her face, hands, the bottom of her feet; and if it worked (which it wouldn’t) she wouldn’t be able to eat or drink or teleport, couldn’t remove it or the Daxi would transfer memories again. And it would look ridiculous. Ezri imagined what Jadzia would look like covered head to toe in a metal weave, Jadzia inhaled her drink and began to cough. Ezri put their cups on the table, worry and guilt flooding her mind as Jadzia tried to breathe and insist that she was fine. 

* * *

#### 10 

Jadzia rolled over and nearly fell off the couch, instantly wide awake, heart pounding. Ezri ordered her a raktajino and set it on the coffee table before returning to her own breakfast, idly wondering what Jadzia was going to say to Worf. Jadzia did not want to think about that right now, but at least they’d stuck to synthohol last night, so she didn’t have to deal with a hangover as well. As for what she’d say to Worf, she planned to simply say that one of Ezri’s patients had reminded her of the interaction between Worf and Ezri. Which would probably lead the conversation to Ezri’s patients, the discussion about who would stay on the station that looked more and more necessary, and Worf’s request to be included in that discussion. 

Jadzia entered her quarters and hugged her husband, who returned the gesture. 

“I am sorry about calling Ezri a _ sli’vak _. I should not have said such things, I should have had more control of myself, confused as I was. I should not have brought up your actions against her, and I do not think of you that way.” He rumbled quietly. She tucked her head to his chest. 

“Thanks Worf. I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have yelled at you and stormed out like that, should have understood how you felt.” 

“Was Ezri thinking about it?” He asked calmly. 

“No, one of her patients reminded me of it.” Jadzia sighed and headed to the bedroom to put on clean clothes. 

“One of her patients?” He repeated with a frown, following her. “Reminded you of what I said to Ezri?” 

“More reminded me of how she felt at the time. The patient was about as tall as you, and upset, and for someone short like Ezri, that’s doubly threatening. I’m tall, I’m not used to feeling like that, so it reminded me of the last time Dax felt like that, which was with you.” Jadzia explained, ignoring Ezri’s frustration and annoyance. Worf stayed quiet for a minute, thinking. Jadzia wished she knew what her husband was thinking, not the station counselor who was trying to ignore Jadzia’s conversation. 

“I do not want Ezri to feel threatened, by me or anyone else. Perhaps I could teach her Mok’Bara for self defense.” Worf replied.

“She doesn’t want more self-defense training, doesn’t want us to treat her differently just because she’s short.” Jadzia smiled at Worf’s suggestion. “It’s just a part of her life that I’m not as familiar with.” 

“You have all of her memories, though.” Worf stated, confused. 

“Feeling it through an old memory is different than feeling it through a memory that’s being formed. Older memories have less physical sensations attached, with this one the apprehension was still sharp.” Jadzia explained. “And Ezri’s used to brushing off that apprehension, but I’m not, so it caused me to remember your fight with her.” 

“Her patients are causing you apprehension?” 

“Only for a minute.” Jadzia dismissed. “Well, that interaction only caused me apprehension for a minute. But a lot of her patients don’t want to see her anymore because of our connection. And I know it’s not my fault, but-” 

“You feel guilty.” Worf finished, holding her close. "This situation will not be resolved lightly. You are both very caring women. May I make a request of you, for the future?" 

"What is it?" She looked up at him. 

"Please do not leave me so abruptly. I worried that, in my carelessness, I had lost you again." He admitted quietly. 

"I'm sorry, Worf." Jadzia held him tightly. "I promised you forever, though, right? Nothing can separate two Klingon hearts." 

“Nothing, my par’mach’kai.” 

“Even if I end up leaving the station?” Since she couldn’t ask Ezri to leave her patients. She ignored the annoyance from the counselor. 

“I can accompany you wherever you are stationed.” 

“Worf, I couldn’t ask you to do that.” Jadzia protested. “You have a job here. We can talk on subspace every night.” 

“Captain Sisko stated when I arrived that my job was *WHAT THE FUCK IS WORF’S JOB*. My responsibilities can be absorbed by others.” 

“It will be harder for us both to find a job at the same posting.” Jadzia argued. 

“Then I will take a leave of absence from Starfleet, and find accommodations wherever you are posted.” 

“Worf-” Jadzia argued, and started to pull back. 

“I lost you, Jadzia. I do not wish to lose you again.” He stated quietly. She held him tight. “I know that you and Ezri have thought about what will become of Dax in the future. It may be selfish, but I care only about us, and now.” 

“Thank you, Worf. I just worry about us ending up like the O’Briens.” 

“The O’Briens are quite happy together.” Worf replied with a frown. 

“But Keiko is on Bajor for months at a time. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle being away from you for so long.” 

“I would not. So we will not.”


End file.
